In the Constitutional Constellations, a condolence letter sent by a 21st Century Progressive, informed our two foremost Founding Fathers, 1st President Washington and 3rd President Jefferson, regarding the passing of their noble experiment, the U.S. Constitution and the formation of our country.
The shocking letter told those visionary noble men, of the rather sudden and unexpected demise of the United States, its Constitution, institutions, checks and balances, along with a formally free press, now a press and media primarily for profit and Republican Party use. Washington and Jefferson decide they should investigate the recent history regarding the collapse of the Constitution and the nation.
The two bold founding fathers decide to visit an assembly place for the most prestigious former presidents, known in the Constitutional Constellations as the Passed President’s Club. The club concept was created by the innovative 26th U.S. president, Theodore Roosevelt. They find him in the “Bully Room,” as he sadly views the grand vista of Yellowstone National Park, which will now be opened to mining, drilling and lumber companies. Roosevelt is sadly shaking his head.
Washington: “Thomas, might not we seek counsel of this Twenty-sixth president, Theodore Roosevelt. By reputation, he fought valiantly for his country, protected her natural resources and brought down corporate profiteers. Me thinks we should ascertain his observance on what befell the nation and our Constitution.”
Jefferson: “Most certainly. As I have said: ‘If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must extinguish it.’
The founding fathers approach Roosevelt.
Washington: Forgive our intrusion distinguished Sir, for interrupting your reverie of such a magnificent view. My eyes have never seen such a grand spectacle.
Roosevelt spins around and breaks into a broad, toothy smile. He adjusts his spectacles, spreads his arms as if he’d like to give Washington a big hug. Teddy forcefully extends his right arm and vigorously shakes hands with a startled George Washington.
Roosevelt: “Oh my Lord! I’m so honored to be in your presence my dear founding father.” He looks to Jefferson and breaks from Washington , grabbing his right hand and pumping it with delight. “And my dear President Jefferson, both of you noble and courageous gentlemen warm my soul.”
Jefferson: “Your warming and effervescent greeting is returned and greatly valued.”
Roosevelt: “What brings you exalted and honorable gentlemen to the Bully Room?”
Jefferson: “Pray tell us dear accountable gentleman, have you been apprised of the condolence letter regarding the demise of our nation and Constitution?”
Roosevelt: “Indubitably. I feel as if a knife has been stabbed directly into my heart. I was just admiring the people’s gift of a God made Heaven on Earth, that being Yellowstone National Park. When I created the National Parks, I felt strongly that: “This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we keep it and make it a good place for all of us to live in.” And now, this rascal, bungler and whippersnapper, George W. Bush, will dismantle the people’s magnificent parks for profit and greed. No offense to you, my most revered George Washington, insulting the name of George W.”
Washington: “No offense taken, dear Roosevelt, since it has been well established the rascal, bungler and whippersnapper you speak of has no ties to me, but is blood related to Mad King George. As to the point of our inquiry, it appears the precipitate conclusions points to calumny, malice & falsehoods. Do you find it thus?”
Roosevelt: “Teddy. Dear Founding Fathers, please call me Teddy, or if you prefer, TR. You two visionary gentlemen have hit the target dead center. It is all those things, plus a slow growing Republican disease, for which there is no medical cure.”
Jefferson: “What pray tell us, good and dear TR, is that disease?”
Roosevelt: “It is the man made disease of greed. Even more shocking is that this Bush fellow, who misuses and abuses my “big stick” policy, has two other agendas going. For the first, I was prophetic when I suggested: “Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people.” Secondly, Bush is herding a religious fundamentalist base group into believing they can turn the United States into a Christian theocracy by charging up Capitol Hill and ravaging our great Constitution.”
Washington: “The thought of it shakes my spirit to its inner core. Any American worth his salt would know that a theocracy is what charged us to create religious freedom for all to practice as they see fit.”
Roosevelt: “Ah, dear prestigious Founding Father. There’s the rub. Salt is available in great abundance now and at the same cost as sand. Oil. Oil is today’s salt. Black gold. This Bush fellow is surrounded by oil people, who are helping his administration control the world supply of oil. Bush employs a rogue named Rove to practice tokenism. An example of this tokenism is the appointment of the Secretary of State. A Negro woman, a former oil executive with learned degrees, has been incompetent in her administration jobs and rather than give straight answers, she wrestles with the truth. However, she plays the piano wonderfully well and can also ice skate. Unfortunately, our magnificent 16th president, Abe Lincoln, was wrong. It now appears his formally respected Republican Party feels you can fool most of the people most of the time.”
Jefferson: “What manner and means are used to deceive and defraud the people?
Roosevelt: “This Bush plunderer and thief uses words, most times not well spoken. Words that promise good or positive consequences and that prove to have the opposite upshot. Bully words that benefit his administration, but not the people or the nation, by God. Then after the deceit and gaining the people’s belief, he takes the wrong action. It breaks my heart and is an insult to the nation and our people.”
Washington: “My dear Teddy. What say you for an example of these unkind or deceitful words? Can you say?”
Roosevelt: “Indubitably. He’ll say; ‘Healthy forests.’ Then in the dead of night, he does away with the forests. ‘Clear skies?’ He besmirches them. As for ‘Anti-Trust,’ he destroys all the regulations, ups the corporations with corporate welfare and to hell with the people. This Bush fellow has it in for the Roosevelt family. My cousin Franklin, the 32nd President of the United States created Social Security. With no rhyme or good reason, this 43rd president has set out to demolish the most successful social program in the history of the world. I join the Progressives and the Democrats in thinking him a crook!”
Unseen Familiar Voice: “Gentlemen, hello. Let me say this about that. ‘There’s a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear’.”
Jefferson: “Good Sir, your countenance has a familiar cast. You are?”
Nixon: “Most honored President Jefferson, First President Washington and President Roosevelt. I am Richard Milhous Nixon, 37th president of these United States.”
Washington: “Pray tell us President Nixon. Was that one of your legacy quotes you spoke?”
Nixon: “No my most revered Founding Father. Let me say this about that. General George S. Patton spoke those words. I admired his bravery, so you might say I borrowed it. I’m here to thank President Roosevelt for finally giving me entrance to the Passed Presidents Club. My legacy quote had been; ‘I am not a crook.’ Thanks to George W. Bush, I’m no longer considered the worst United States president. Today, I would think Bush’s legacy quote is; ‘Is our children learnin?’ I opened China, you know.”
By Jerry Drucker
- Jerry Drucker is a freelance writer and screenwriter, political progressive letterwriter, member of Valley Dems United, Dems for Change and Valley Grassroots for Democracy. Jerry was voted as the 41st AD man of the year for 2008 by the LA County Democratic Party members.
Reprinted with permission from the Valley Democrats United newsletter, Margie Murray, Editor, where the article first appeared.
A Condolence Letter’s four parts: