Attack of the Dingbats

Palin Beck 2012 buttonRepublicans and the Tea Party

Lately, I have been suffering from a severe case of writer’s block. And an unusual case it is. It’s not that I am at a loss for what to write about – au contraire! My problem is the fact that there’s just so much material out there I literally don’t know where to begin. Don’cha just hate when that happens? I sure do.

The disintegration of the United States of America is a dreadful, horrible thing to contemplate – but it sure is a lot of fun to watch. It really is! So much comedy. C-SPAN long ago replaced Comedy Central as the funniest place on the tube. I laugh at the morning papers and television news almost as much as I used to laugh at Lenny Bruce, Charlie Chaplin, and the Marx Brothers. Hooray for Captain Spaulding.

Deja Vu
A year ago – almost to the day – the right wing scream machine was having a positive hissy fit over the fact that Barack Obama was scheduled to deliver a traditional presidential address to America’s school children. So what was the big deal? This was a ritual that had been performed by every president going all the way back to Herbert Hoover! As I wrote on this site on September 7, 2009:

“So just sit back and relax, folks. Barack Obama is only performing a routine presidential duty that has been performed by presidents for generations. There is nothing to be afraid of. He is not trying to turn your babies into mini Marxists. This isn’t the Trotsky for Toddlers program. The president of the United States merely wants to have a heart-to-heart talk with the children of America about the importance of a good education….Chill out!”

Indeed, when the day was over there was not a single report of any kid feeling compelled to sing the Internationale. I honestly believed at the time that the controversy had subsided and that would be the end of it. What was I thinking?

new gingrichWhat’s The Matter With Newt?
Newt Gingrich wants to be president of the United States. Could it happen? Of course it can. You refuse to believe it? Three words:

GEORGE WALKER BUSH

Lately, old Newt has been sounding even more twisted than usual – and with damned good reason. You see, in order to appeal to “the base” of the Republican party, a candidate needs to say a lot of really idiotic things – and Newt is delivering the goods. In recent days, he has been making really weird statements about the president and his “Kenyan” philosophies. What does it all mean? Who the hell knows? I suspect he’ll be saying more and more stupid things as the months transpire. That is the only way to get the GOP nod these days. In order for him to have any hope of getting nominated in 2012, it is essential that he moves even further to the right of Sarah Palin. He’s got an uphill battle, for sure. That’s pretty far right.

Jammin’ with the Beckster
Glenn Beck: The louse that roared. Does the FCC have any rules about incitement to violence? If they don’t, they really should? The other day on his nationally syndicated radio program Beck made the claim that America can expect violence in the very-near future. American Liberals – and that the president of the United States will be the instigator!

Damn! You’re onto us, Glenn. On December 24, 2010 – Christmas Eve to be precise – we Progressives are planning a violent, nationwide, revolutionary uprising. And we have you in our sites, Glenn. We’re gonna git’cha…

[Cue the jingle bells]

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all ’round the place
Them Liberals was planin’ to attack us with mace
The children were nestled, all snug in their beds
While visions of Rand Paul stomped on their heads

And Mama with her Demerol, and I with my booze
Had just settled down for a long winter’s snooze
When out on the rooftop there rose such a ruckus
I sprang from my bead to see
“WHAT THE HECK IS GOIN’ ON UP THERE???”

A whole gang of Liberals, all armed to the teeth
Were doing rude things to our poor Christmas wreath
They spoke not a word but were vile, and we shook
As they ripped up our copy of Sarah Palin’s book

They poured gas on the children and lit them aflame
And to our pet gerbil they did just the same
And I heard them exclaim as they drove out of sitey
“Happy May Day to all – and go screw yourself, Whitey!”

Beware, Glenn. There’s gonna be hell to pay, Buster. We’re gonna kill your sons and force your daughters to marry communist Negroes. This is going to get ugly, Glenn. Really, really ugly. You can run but you can’t hide, pardner. The trillion dollar shit hammer is about to hit the fan – and it’s got your name on it. Oh yeah. You will bow to Islam. Be afraid, Glenn. Be very afraid. We will bury you. But seriously, folks….

Tea Partying
Well now! The Tea Party had one heck of a night, didn’t they? No doubt about it, the rascals ran away with the show. I am of two minds about this:

On the one hand, I think it’s just grand that so many of them will be on the ballot in November. They’re only going to drag the “party of Lincoln” even further into the gutter. Don’t deceive yourselves into believing that they will be on the peripherals of the Republican party. These jerks are now running the show. When the RNC embraced these people last year it was the political equivalent of french kissing a rattle snake. This can only mean glad tidings for the Democrats.

On the other hand, the idea of Tea Partiers getting the nomination in such “enlightened” states as New York and Delaware is an ominous thing to be sure. I have to believe (hope) that this revolution of knuckleheads is going to backfire on the grand old party in the end; that Election Day will prove to be the biggest upset since Harry Truman defeated Thomas Dewey in 1948. If the people who are responsible for most of our economic woes are put back in charge in January, it will prove only one thing: the jaw-dropping stupidity of the American people. There will be no other explanation for it. None.

For a political junkie such as I, these are heady times in which to live. Just when you think things couldn’t possibly get any stranger, these halfwits cheerfully prove you wrong. Yesterday, all across America, comparatively moderate Republicans were given the boot. That party has been overtaken by an extremism too warped to adequately describe. The crazies have taken over the crazy house. The pimps are no longer running the whore house. The whores are now calling the shots. The wag is now tailing the dog. It’s all too weird – and wonderful.

“Don’t ever underestimate the power of we the people.”
-Christine O’Donnell, Tea Party winner in the Delaware senate primary

Nice quote! I have an even better one than that:

“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.”
-H.L. Mencken

That’s more like it.

the three rooseveltsSuggested Reading:
The Three Roosevelts
, by James MacGregor Burns and Susan Dunn. A real page-turning study of the political and personal evolutions of Theodore, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt.

Tom Degan
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

Published by the LA Progressive on September 17, 2010
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About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714