Billionaire Dispatches: We’re Buy-Partisan

max baucus

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: “Corporatist” Dems pander to the same socially liberal causes as their fellow Dems, but when the time comes, they vote on our behalf to deregulate and privatize and outsource and downsize.

Billionaire Dispatches: Welcome to Charlotte

charlotte unions

Clifford “Felonious Ax” Tasner: All of us were out in force in Tampa last week, but there aren’t enough Billionaires in Charlotte to fill a clown limousine. It’s mostly our entertainment and media moguls who are here.

Felonius Ax in Tampa: Finally, One of Our Own

mitt's cold eyes

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: Mitt showed us his mettle when he was at the helm of Bain – buying up companies – downsizing, outsourcing and squeezing every last drop out of them before leaving behind dried up little husks.

Felonius Ax in Tampa: Ryan’s Big Night

paul ryan in tampa

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: Brokerage firms will soon be offering Not-A-Lot-of-Future Futures so investors can put money down on when particular geezers will succumb to the ailments that we don’t cover. So it’s really a win-win. Meaning we win and we win again!

Billionaire Dispatches from Tampa: Day One

high heels

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: Adelson’s got the accommodations next to ours, and for a guy who has made his fortune in casinos, you’d think he’d be a little less grumpy about the stream of Tampa Bay’s famous strippers coming in and out of our suites.

Bring on the Drones

predator drone

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: The predator drones represent a great opportunity for our Aerospace companies. We are making a killing killing, for goodness sake!

Let’s Build That Pipeline

polar-bear

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: The Keystone Pipeline “could” create over a half a million jobs if it leaks, just trying to clean up the Oglala Aquifer that provides 30% of America’s water.

Obamacare Is Killing Our Bottom Line

billionaires

Clifford Tasner: Heavens! Young people can be covered under Obamacare by their parents plush policies until they’re 26. Cossetting the young isn’t going to help them learn that the world is a harsh place.

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