Friday Feedback: Talking Openly about True Intimacy

istock_000001483014xsmall.jpgFridays the LA Progressive features a comment that was particularly noteworthy. This week we are featuring a comment submitted by Carla Mays commenting on “Most Black Married Mommas Could Have Been Statistics,” by K. Danielle Edwards.

Here’s Carla’s comment:

As a black woman raised by a single mother, I see the differences between my friends and family raised in married homes. Those of us raised in single-parent households must do everything in our power not to repeat the cycle. It was not a healthy or stable environment for ourselves or our mothers, so why should we continue it!

We need to empower ourselves and our sistas to want more for ourselves than a life of struggling, stress, lack of true emotional support, love and intimacy. I personally don’t want my to be children to grow up in the struggle with me and their father flakin out all the time. The disappointments, unstable household with bills, moving all the time, teaching your children to lie and keep the story straight so you don’t loose the little you have. I’m sorry this is not worth the little excitement and pleasure! If you are going to go there be prepared, and be responsible.

In our community, we need more intimacy and sexuality education. We need to prepare our sistas for relationships by helping them be able to identify what a healthy relationship looks like, and how to get their emotional, mental and physical needs met.

We need to stop playing this “nice/nasty” concept with sex. This a concept that stops us from addressing sexuality and sexuality education. Being asexual/nice church going sista vs. hoes/tricks/video traps/baby mamas; this is sooo played out and is costing us dearly. As sistas in Generation X, that are in our 30’s and 40’s educated and professional, we need to correct this NOW. We are sexual women with needs, but we need to find the right person that respects us and is able to step up and make that commitment to us. Talking openly about true intimacy, love, emotional needs and support, physical and sexual desire is a way for us to start to mitigate single-motherhood.

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