History: A Rovian Rewrite

“There’s a good reason’s why Rove’s memoir is titled ‘Courage and Consequences’ not “Truth or Consequences.’”–Frank Rich, New York Times, March 14, 2010

On the 11th of March I received the following e-mail from the nice folks over at the Bush-Cheney Alumni Association:

“We’re excited that you are interested in staying up-to-date on the activities of President Bush, Mrs. Bush, Vice President Cheney, Mrs. Cheney and other former members of the administration by receiving occasional updates from the Bush-Cheney Alumni Association. As a supporter, we thought you would be interested in Karl Rove’s new book, Courage and Consequences.”

Wasn’t that sweet of them? You would not believe some of the mailing lists I am on. One of my secret, demented delights is getting information delivered straight to my inbox by these assholes. It sure keeps things interesting! It is always amusing to see that disgusting administration portrayed in a positive light. But their efforts to keep me informed were not in vain – not at all. You see, I am very interested in Rove’s new book.

For people like me, the thing that makes American politics so much fun is the massive, seemingly bottomless gold mine that is chock full of unintentional humor – generously provided to us by the likes of Dick and Liz Cheney, Sarah Palin and Karl Rove! Seriously, this quartet is the gift that keep giving and giving and giving! You might very well want them to go away – but not I! They bring so much laughter to my life that I’d miss them if they were gone from the national spotlight. It would be like when ABC Television canceled the show “No Soap Radio” back in 1982. It was the funniest program I had ever seen – before or since. When they took it off the air after only four or five episodes, it took me a year to adjust. I thrive on the stupidity of these people; I really do! A personal message to Mr. Rove: Stick around for a while….for me. Please?

I need you like a schoolboy needs his pie
River deep and Mountain high
Yo, baby!

It’s going to be an absolute scream in the next few years watching the Bush Mob try to rewrite history with the flood of books that are sure to come out. The latest screed by Rove is merely the tip of the iceberg. They have quite a chore ahead of them no doubt. Putting a positive spin on the worst administration in American history? I imagine something that tricky would be the equivalent of trying to put a smiley face on a decomposing pig:

“Well, lookie thar, Martha! Ain’t that purdy?”

To paraphrase what I wrote on the very fist posting on this site way the heck back in June of 2006, In 2000 when the people of the United States stupidly sent George W. Bush to the White House, we effectively pointed the proverbial loaded pistol at our own collective heads. Four years later, on Election day 2004 – make no mistake about it – we pulled the trigger.

“Brownie, you’re doin’ a heck of a job.” –George W. Bush

So let me give you a crash synopsis of what the Rove book is all about: The Bush Mob were wildly successful – in fact they were the most competent administration in American history – and President Obama is undoing all the good work they did with his filthy Socialist ways. Basically our boy Karl is hoping that the American people will once again exhibit symptoms of the mass amnesia for which they are justly famous. After six long years of the executive and legislative branches of our government being controlled by the extreme fringe of American politics, the very idea that the electorate is now seriously considering going back in that loony direction must fill Rove with joy.

The revisionist history that is now being peddled by these clowns is astounding in its audacity. They are now trying to sell the fiction that it was the inattention of the Clinton administration that led directly to the hideous attacks of September 11, 2001. What is being conveniently ignored by the revisionists (They “conveniently ignore” a lot of stuff. Did you ever notice that?) is the fact that when Clinton’s National Security Adviser Sandy Berger had his first face-to-face interview with Condoleeza Rice during the transition in the winter of 2000, he bluntly told her that al Queda had been his number one focus and that it would be her’s, too. After the meeting Berger came away with the distinct impression that Dr. Rice didn’t even know what the hell al Qaeda was. George W. Bush, you might remember, thought that the Taliban was a rock ‘n’ roll group. Brilliant bunch, this lot.

Of course having spent the better part of seven years violating international law, the Bushies are now desperate to put a positive spin on their use of torture techniques. Rove is now trying to make us swallow the utter fiction that those techniques – outlawed by the Geneva Convention over 70 years ago – worked fine and dandy, thank you very much. Here’s what Rove conveniently ignored (There he goes again!): While they might have been able to get some bits of useful information via the torture route (That assertion is being debated and debunked by the day), they also got a truck load of intelligence that turned out to be utter bullshit – like the “fact” that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. In other words, the victims told their inquisitors anything they wanted to hear in order to get the torture to stop. That didn’t work out too well in the end, did it?

It’s not the ones who are “catapulting the propaganda” that are disconnected from reality – they know damned well what they are doing – it’s all those pathetic white people who are swallowing this garbage whole! And let’s face some sobering truths, shall we? Other than a small handful of blubbering Uncle Toms, they’re almost entirely white. The disconnect between reality and delusion in this country is widespread and appalling. That would partially explain the political careers of people like Jeff Sessions and Michele Bachmann. People like them are only able to advance because of the stampeding ignorance of their constituents. In the land of the brain-dead, the half-wit is king.

We really ought to give Karl his due. Let’s face it, the guy has found himself in a nasty, unenviable situation. How would you like to be in the poor bastard’s place? Think about it! He is desperately trying to buy some time with his idiotic book. He needs to stall history’s verdict just long enough to get through the rest of his life as “a beloved elder statesman” – or however the hell he wants to be viewed. After his life on earth is over, why give a damn about how future generations will perceive him?

Then again, the guy is so unbelievably arrogant, maybe he really thinks he can pull a fast one on history. Maybe he actually believes that he can manipulate posterity to such a degree that 150 years from now, historians will view him as tenderly as they now do Lincoln’s secretaries, John Hay and John Nicolay. Someone should inform him that while a public villain might be able to fool his contemporaries, he will not – he cannot – fool history – not for long anyway. History has an uncanny way of catching up with and cornering a scoundrel.

So let’s all sit back and have a good laugh while watching Karl Rove try to whitewash his crimes against the American people. This ought to be a hoot-and-a-half!

Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a 51-year-old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America’s national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher.

SUGGESTED READING

Bush’s Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential, by James Moore and Wayne Slater

Bushwhacked: Life In George W. Bush’s America, by the late, GREAT Molly Ivins

Published by the LA Progressive on March 24, 2010
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About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714