I’m a complete and total slut – because being a woman today and doing what women do, like take contraceptives, engage in recreational sex, and have abortions when needed, makes us sluts in the eyes of many who are nothing but moralistic busybodies who feel driven to create as much punishment for our normal, female behavior as possible. But here’s the line in the sand, you monsters . . . .
Contraceptives are now federally mandated to be provided free of charge to women under the Affordable Care Act, and the only exemptions are for straight-up religious organizations. I don’t care if my boss is a Moonie or a Hare Krishna or Rick Santorum, contraceptives are a basic health care element for women and, like mammograms and pap smears – all covered – they keep us healthy and protect our well-being. You don’t like it, pound sand.
If I testify at Congress about my school or job’s requirement to provide contraceptive coverage in my health insurance plan, you will call me a “slut” or a “prostitute” only if you want to lose 140+ advertisers and almost every bit of public support you ever had . . . and want to be embedded in the nearest plaster.
I prefer to get my contraceptives at Walgreens, and I don’t need a note from my boss to do it. Sex is great and healthy for reasons other than procreation (and, news flash, you don’t have to be married to engage in it) and I’ll be damned if I’ll get my boss’ permission to be a slut on my own time. If I start having sex on my office desk, then maybe it’s his business – until then, stay out of my bedroom.
When I have an abortion, I know there’s not a kumquat in there – I don’t need to see ultrasound pictures to confirm that.
And while we’re on the subject, keep that goopy ultrasound crap away from my abdomen without my express permission . . . and no, my friend, I’m not closing my eyes.
First degree homicide for having a legal medical procedure that’s been the law of the land since Roe v. Wade? I’ve got news for you, Colorado – I’ll gladly go to jail before I give up my rights to my own body and my own life . . . because what you’re proposing is a life sentence for women.
Pro-choice advocates are not “pro abortion” – but we’re also not “pro enforced parenthood.” If we decide to have an abortion for our own personal reasons (which are none of your business), no stories of fetal pain (which are largely non-existent in the first trimester), no pictures of swimming blobs of tissue, and no photo-shopped pictures of sad fetuses will sway us. Our choice is made, and our right to live our lives as we choose is paramount.
If you’re not gonna teach kids about sex, don’t expect them to avoid pregnancy. Abstinence-only education didn’t work in Alaska or anywhere else on the planet, and it isn’t gonna work in Wisconsin, either. And as for this new law that prohibits women from obtaining abortion coverage even if she’s paying out of pocket for her own health insurance – well, Wisconsin, I think you can give up the “budgetary” arguments and “tax dollars” arguments now . . . and by that way, shit like this is why you’re all at risk of being recalled.
No matter what your laws say, Kansas, if my doctor lies to me and withholds information from me that I might need to examine my child-bearing options and my own health risks before giving birth, I’m going to sue that doctor on some grounds or another; I will report him or her to every medical ethics board in the universe; and if all that fails, I’m going to make his or her life a living hell as I picket his clinic and ensure that he loses every shred of privacy he has ever had. We will not be lied to and dismissed as knuckleheads who can’t make our own family planning decisions. And you protect lying doctors at their – and your own – peril.
You think we fell off a turnip truck yesterday, can’t do a little Googling, find the facts? If this is not your belief, why do you think you can lie to us and tell us abortion causes breast cancer, a claim that multiple reputable health organizations (such as the American Cancer Society) dispute? It’s bad enough that you reptilian Republicans meddle in our contraceptive and abortion rights – but to try to get our doctors on board with your agenda is downright criminal . . . and if we catch our doctors in a lie that could harm us, we will treat him or her as such.
The moment I decide I want an abortion, I will get one – and I won’t tolerate an arbitrary, 3-day waiting period so you can further screw with my legal adult rights, or a patronizing abortion counseling session. And by the way, just because you tell me you detect a fetal heartbeat to prevent me, under your oppressive laws, from having an abortion, I’m not buying it.
When I feel a kick in my abdomen and I’m having to dress in moo-moos, then – and only then – will I believe there’s a legitimate life at stake. (And even then, if my life or health is at risk, or I learn of a problem with that fetus, I will choose to terminate that life.)
Taking contraceptives (like 99% of the women in this country do or have done at one time or another) or having an abortion because we’re not ready to be mothers does not make us satanists, does not make us witches to be burned at the stake, does not make us criminals, does not make us heartless, and does not make us murderers.
And if it happens to make us “sluts” – what business is that of yours?