Nary a Clue

michele bachmannGather ’round, children, while I’m wailin’
About the midnight snooze of Sarah Palin

It is an interesting phenomenon to be sure, to witness the freaks who now control the “party of Abraham Lincoln” giving their little history lessons.

Back in January there was the spectacle of uber twit Michele Bachmann, mangling the story of this nation’s founding to such a delightful degree, one was tempted to nominate her to the Comedy Hall of Fame:

“We know there was slavery that was still tolerated when the nation began. We know that was an evil, and it was a scourge and a blot and a stain upon our history. But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. And I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forebears who worked tirelessly – men like John Quincy Adams – who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”

As Oscar Hammerstein once wrote, “I must have done something good” to deserve Michele Bachmann.

For the historical record: John Quincy Adams was not one of the Founding Fathers.

For the historical record: By the time slavery was legally and forever ended in this country, John Quincy Adams had been in the grave for eighteen years.

Yes sir, I must have done something awfully good.

And now here comes Sarah Palin rewriting the story of the midnight ride of Paul Revere:

“He warned the British that they weren’t going be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”

You see? It was all about the Second Amendment! When it was pointed out to her by Chris Wallace on FOX Noise Sunday that she had gotten it wrong, she shot back at the amused reporter that she hadn’t gotten it wrong at all. She then complained about the “got’cha” question that had prompted her idiotic response. And what was the question you may well ask?

“What did you learn in Massachusetts and what did you take away from it?”

sarah palin no clueLeave it to that evil lame stream media. They love tripping up good Americans like Sarah Palin with trick questions like that. That and “What do you read?” There oughtta be a law, I tell you! Come to think about it, if these Nazi wannabe yahoos have their way, there will be.

The manipulation of historical facts to suit the ideological bias of the right wing is one of their more ludicrous goals in recent years. Just last May the Texas Board of Education approves a series of revised school books that threatened to put satirists out of work permanently. As reported on this very site by your trusty correspondent on May 29 of last year:

“The Board of Ed in Texas has taken it upon themselves to rewrite history. You see, the problem with the story of America, they argue, is that it has always been written with a nasty left wing bias. I have to concede their point. Have you ever noticed the way those Liberal historians always tend to focus on the attributes of Abraham Lincoln? They totally ignore all that was good and decent in the character of Jefferson Davis! The Texas Board of Education is going to remedy this awful injustice. From this day forward (if these idiots have their way) Davis will be presented to America’s schoolchildren as the moral equivalent of Lincoln. Look away, Dixieland!”

Message to my beloved cousins, the Barras family of Port Arthur: GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!

Of course, they can’t permanently rewrite the historical record. What I mean is, they can’t etch their particular viewpoint into stone. There will always be legitimate historians to set the record straight. There will never be a serious book written that will place Lincoln and Davis on the same moral playing field. The goal of the extremists who now dictate America’s political conversation is to merely muddy the historical waters until the next election cycle. After they are firmly intrenched in Washington or wherever, who gives a damn what the masses believe?

Is it true (as they love to bitch and moan) that history is written with a liberal, progressive bias? Well, yeah! Of course it’s true! After all, what is history if not the story of human progress? And here’s something that should never be forgotten. Had the conservatives had their way two-hundred and thirty-five years ago (back then they were called “Tories”) we would still be a colony of England. Not that I would mind that as much as you might think. I’ve grown quite fond of the queen. I think the old gal is a knockout. I really do.

A further history lesson from the half-termed, former Governor Palin on the midnight ride of Paul Revere:

“But remember that the British had already been there, many soldiers for seven years in that area. And part of Paul Revere’s ride – and it wasn’t just one ride – he was a courier, he was a messenger. Part of his ride was to warn the British that we’re already there. That, hey, you’re not going to succeed. You’re not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British.”

[SIGH]

If ignorance is ever made into a human virtue, Sarah Palin, you may be sure, will receive the Nobel Prize. Who can say for sure if she is really planning on running for the GOP nomination next year. It has been speculated that she may be touring the key primary states for no other reason than to pump up her “brand” among the halfwits who constitute her constituency.

tom deganIf this is the case, it really shouldn’t surprise anyone who has bothered to pay even scant attention in the last three years to the way this cynical nincompoop operates.

As has been said (and I wish I knew who said it first) Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. That would more-than explain the current makeup of the one-hundred-and twelfth congress, wouldn’t it?

Tom Degan

Published by the LA Progressive on June 7, 2011
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About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714