Newt’s Family Values

newt and calistaIt was the Newster all the way in South Carolina this week. This wasn’t as big a surprise as you might think. Newt had spent the entire primary subtly pressing all of the right racial buttons and it worked out for him better than even he anticipated I’m sure. You see, South Carolina Republicans don’t really care for black people that much. When you enter a place where the Confederate flag still waves proudly over the statehouse, you’ll be encountering people with - “issues” shall we say? John McCain learned this lesson the hard way in 2000.

After handily winning in New Hampshire that year, McCain came into South Carolina with a healthy lead over the dim-witted son of a failed ex-president. The Bush Mob were not to be deterred. They spread the nasty rumor that McCain’s adopted, dark-skinned daughter was the product of a liaison between him and a black prostitute. It worked. That’s just the sort of thing that would work in that state, I’m sorry to say. The momentum he had gained heading into the Super Tuesday Primary all but died and his campaign was toast from that moment on. Thanks to the stupidity and racism of the average South Carolinian Republican voter, America got saddled with the worst president since James Buchanan. Nice.

From this point on anything can happen – and probably will. Gingrich has an unfortunate tendency of going ballistic and flaming out just as things are beginning to look up for him, and I haven’t a doubt in my mind that history will repeat itself very soon. It will probably be Mitt Romney who receives the coronation next summer – but I haven’t given up hope for Newt. I want him to get that nomination so badly it makes me drool buckets! Can you imagine what fun his campaign would be to watch? Oh, please, fate!

It matters little at this stage who gets the nomination. It’s a fairly safe assumption to say that the election of 2012 is essentially over. Are Romney and Gingrich secretly working for Barack Obama’s campaign? That would seem to be the case given their behavior in recent days. They’ve done so much damage to one another (and their party) that his reelection in November is almost written in the stars.

Here’s another thing to take to the bank, boys and girls: Romney (assuming he will be the nominee) will be placed in the same position that McCain was forced into in 2008. In order to bring out “the base” he will will be forced to place on the ticket with him someone (like Sarah Palin) who is such a right-wing extremist that he or she is in serious danger of falling off of the face of the earth. Remember how well that worked out for them last time ’round? As it did four years ago, the choice of running mate will scare the living shit out of moderate Americans. Just you wait and see.

Here are the Cliff Notes: The Republican party is imploding before our very eyes. Life is beautiful.

Which brings me back to the thrice-married Newt: In an eleventh-hour interview with Marianne (the second Mrs. Gingrich) in which she revealed that when she found out about Newt’s affair with Barbi-doll-wannabe Callista (the third Mrs. Gingrich) Newt informed the poor gal that from that point on, he wanted their marriage to be an “open” one. Shortly after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Newt served Marianne with divorce papers – much in the same manner he had served the cancer-stricken Jackie (the first Mrs. Gingrich) with divorce papers a decade earlier. The day after he unloaded the bad news on her, Newt gave a speech highlighting the traditional values of American families.

Are you following this?

Newt and Marianne

Newt and Marianne

Newt’s history as a serial marrier did didn’t mean a thing to the “Family Values” mob in South Carolina, All that matters to these clowns is the fact that old Newt really despises that Big, Black, Bolshevik Boogieman in the White House. That’s good enough for them. He told these nutty people that he didn’t merely want to bloody Barack Obama’s nose, he wanted to “knock him out”. He’d have done much better in the final tally had he just told this crowd that he was in the mood for a good old fashion lynching. String ‘im up!!! That would have brought out the base alright - in droves.

But he did the next best thing. By constantly referring to “food stamps” and “welfare”, Gingrich lassoed the imaginations of these jackasses and was able to paint a black face on nearly every issue. He knows that the only way the Republicans are going to take back the White House next January will be by appealing to the very worst in America’s historical character – and Newt Gingrich is the world’s outstanding authority on the subject of bad character. All he needs to do is exploit the irrational prejudice toward the most oppressed people in the history of the human race. And to do so under the guise that he has the Almighty on his side? My goodness. Hell must be beckoning.

tom deganIf there’s any doubt in your mind that 2012 is going to be the nastiest political year of our lifetime all I can tell you is, hang onto your hats, folks. This is gonna get ugly. Very ugly indeed.

It might very well get violent in some places. This Tea party crowd has lost their minds. As Al Jolson liked to say in his day, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

Tom Degan
The Rant 

Published by the LA Progressive on January 24, 2012
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About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714