Newt? NEWT???

newt put kids to work“Start with the following two facts: Really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works. So they literally have no habit of showing up on Monday. They have no habit of staying all day. They have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ – unless it’s illegal.” --Newt Gingrich, December 1, 2011 as quoted yesterday in Charles Blow’s New York Times column (I saw it on TV, too!)

Poor people don’t work. Poor children only work at doing things that are illegal. Ya gotta love ‘im. You just gotta!

It’s official and unavoidable: My man Newt Gingrich is SURGING ahead in the polls! To make matters worse (or better – depending upon where you’re coming from) since Herman Cain announced the end of his train wreck of a campaign yesterday, his supporters are now looking for a new home. Call it a silly hunch on my part, but methinks most of them will find a kindred soul in the Newtster. Has my luck really gotten this good? Eek Gads! This is too good to be true. Thank you, fate!

Certain people on “THE LEFT” went into a bit of a tantrum after hearing a comment made the other day by Bill Clinton. When asked why Gingrich’s poll numbers were shooting up so rapidly, Clinton replied (and I’m paraphrasing) to the effect that Republican primary voters were merely reacting to Newt’s “sensible” ideas. “What?” they cried out in unison, “Sensible ideas? Has Clinton lost his mind???” Sure he has. Old Bill is crazy – like a fox.

That’s what I love about Bubbah. The man is one smoooooth operator, baby! They didn’t call the guy “Slick Willie” for nothing, that’s for sure. If I were a more widely-read writer (Yeah, I’m barely a cult figure, I’ll admit it) I would never say this out loud for fear of jinxing Newt’s momentum. Here’s what’s happening, folks: Old Bill knows damned well that he’s one of the most popular and admired ex-presidents in history. If he comes out and publicly states that Gingrich’s ideas are not all that outrageous – but are, in fact, “sensible” a lot of the halfwits within the GOP’s constituency will holler:

“Whoa! Lookie yonder, Martha! Even ol’ Bill Clinton thinks Newt’s a’barkin’ up the right tree! He’s got mah vote!”

He’s one wily sum’bitch, that Bill Clinton!

Poor Mitt Romney. It’s easy to feel sorry for the guy. Not that I would ever vote for him, you understand. I would drink a cocktail of vodka and battery acid before I ever voted for the likes of Mitt Romney. Still, there is a certain….Oh, what’s the word….”Pathos?”….in the spectacle of a man coming face-to-face with the ugly reality that even his own people can’t stand him. It’s obvious that he wanted to settle some old scores for no other reason that the honor of his late father. In the summer of 1968 Governor George Romney of Michigan was in a fight-to-the-death struggle with old Dick Nixon for the Republican nomination. At a campaign appearance somewhere, the senior Romney was asked how he had changed his position on the Vietnam war from that of staunch supporter to viciously opposed. His answer? “I was brainwashed.”

tom deganBrainwashed? A man seeking the presidency admits that he can be “brainwashed”? George Romney’s campaign was as dead as a doornail from that moment on.

Mitt hasn’t given up hope and for damned good reason. Poor old Newt has the nasty habit of flaming out just as things are starting to look up for him. It’s only a matter of time before he foolishly blurts out something too weird even for the right wing extremists who are now the “norm” in that disgusting party. Or worse – he might say something thoughtful and intelligent – the kiss of death for any Republican candidate these days. That’s what destroyed the Rick Perry campaign. When we claimed that anyone who would separate an illegal immigrant from his or her family “has no heart” his campaign was toast and jelly. It wasn’t all of the idiotic things emanating from his mouth that killed his chances. It was one genuine moment of human compassion. That’s what kind of party the Republicans have become.

It’s oodles of fun these days to watch a moderately intelligent guy like Romney stumbling around the country saying all sorts of mind-jarringly stupid things. He knows that this is the only way to appeal to the chowderheads – particularly in the Deep South and Midwest – who vote in Republican primaries. Say what you want about Mitt Romney, unlike most of the contenders for the nomination the man knows what he’s doing.

Newt Gingrich can win the Iowa caucuses later this month very handily if he plays his deck-full-of-jokers right. After that it’s onto New Hampshire where the rabidly right wing paper, the Manchester Union Leader, endorsed his candidacy last week.

This was a embarrassment from which Mitt has yet to recover. He is, after all, the former governor of neighboring Massachusetts. If Newt is able to take New Hampshire, the next major contest is in South Carolina, where Romney hasn’t the chance of tadpole in boiling water. By then the Gingrich Express will be an out-of-control, unstoppable freight train. George Romney must be doing somersaults in his grave.

Aren’t politics fun?

Tom Degan
The Rant 

Published by the LA Progressive on December 5, 2011
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About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714