Fear and Loathing in Houston

NRA Houston Conference

“The annual festival of conspiracy theorizing, belligerent fist-shaking and anxious masculinity known as the National Rifle Association convention came to Houston over the weekend, and it was everything the organizers hoped it would be.” -Paul Waldman, CNN

“How many Bostonians wished they had a gun two weeks ago?” –Wayne LaPierre, Executive vice-president of the NRA

How many Bostonians wish they could knock Wayne LaPierre’s teeth out? I wonder….

The faithful descended upon Houston, thousands of “real ‘mericans”, to gleefully partake in the annual NRA/GOP festival of love – and fear. Wayne LaPierre stood at the podium doing what Wayne LaPierre does better than anyone; cranking up the masses with some deadly imagery that left them thirsty for blood:

“Lying in wait right now is a terrorist, a deranged school shooter, a kidnapper, a rapist, a murderer, waiting and planning and plotting in every community across our country, lying in wait right now.”

The multitudes gathered and absorbed every paranoid word like diseased sponges. These were the true believers. These were the people whose mission in life was to save this grand and glorious land of ours from the leftist hoards of bloodthirsty bleeding hearts and their dark-skinned, Marxist leader. It was truly a grand hour to be a citizen of the good ol’ U.S. of A. EVERYBODY SING! Oh, I wish I was in Dixie – hooray! hooray!

Indeed. The answer to all of our problems – at least according to the clowns speaking at this hootenanny – is not that firearms be “well regulated” as stated in the Second Amendment (which they habitually quote out of context). The answer to all of our woes is simply more guns – lots ‘n’ lots of ‘em! You see, that way we’ll be able to take on the federal government – blow the bastards straight to hell – on the day (that is surely coming) when they decide to kill us all.

Shoot to kill first. Leave the questions to Saint Peter.

One gun in particular was quite evident this past weekend at the stalls and in the displays – the AR-15. This was the assault weapon that was used by the homicidal little dingbat (who should forevermore remain nameless) to murder 20 little boys and girls and the six women whose job it was to protect and educate them on December 14, 2012. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, though – NUDGE! NUDGE! WINK! WINK!

By the way, here’s one for the joke books: the new president of the National Rifle Association is some beer-bellied twit named Jim Porter. This yahoo still refers to the Civil War as “the War of Northern Aggression”. Just a wee-bit out of touch with the times, don’cha think?

As might be expected, Sarah Palin was there. Although it is agreed among reasonable people these days that Fascist Barbie is pretty much irrelevant to our national dialogue, among insanity junkies her star is still on the rise. She criticized President Obama for using the grieving families of the Newtown victims as “backdrops” in order to appeal to our emotions. I guess it never occurred to this brain-damaged twit that these poor people are willing participants in these media events, that they might want to prevent the unspeakable tragedy that imploded their lives in December from being visited upon other mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. And speaking of irrelevance:

“The freedom of all mankind – make no mistake – is at stake. And because of this I truly believe that our souls are at stake as well.” -Glenn Beck

sarah palin“Freedom”? Really??? How “free” do you feel? Free as a bird? That’s perfectly understandable if you’ve never had someone you loved dearly killed by gunfire. I have. I wonder how many of the parents of the kids murdered in Newtown didn’t give a rat’s patootie about the “gun issue” prior to December 14, 2012. I don’t know the answer to that question. What I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that they care now. They care very much. You will, too, if and when it happens to you. And as we continue down this idiotic road, the chances are getting better by the day that it will indeed happen to someone you love – or to you – or to me (YIKES!).

Note to European Travel Agencies:

You might want to issue a little “travel advisory” to your clientele who plan on vacationing in the “land of the free”. There are certain states in this warped nation that are just too dangerous to visit. Here’s a list of the top ten places to avoid:

  1. Alaska
  2. Louisiana
  3. Wyoming
  4. Arizona
  5. Nevada
  6. Mississippi
  7. New Mexico
  8. Arkansas
  9. Alabama
  10. Tennessee

Just thought I’d give you that little heads-up.

Interestingly (though hardly coincidentally) all of the states listed above are so-called “red states”. The ten safest places to live are in blue states. Here’s another fun fact to chew on: The state of the union with the lowest rate of murders via firearms (by far) is Hawaii. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out the reason behind this. First of all, the Aloha state has very sane and reasonable gun laws. Secondly, it is impossible do drive across state lines to plant an illegal gun in Hawaii. Isn’t that wonderful?

tom deganFour months ago on the day after the massacre of innocents in Newtown, Connecticut, I predicted  that, in spite of the carnage, nothing would change. Nothing has. Nothing will. Get used to living in a country in ruins.

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

Hello? Anybody home???

Tom Degan
The Rant

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714

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