Even though Mitt Romney is trying his best to deflect the public’s interest away from his tax returns to other matters, by making the grudging statement that, “Aw shucks, if you really must know, I paid at least 13% in taxes for the past ten years, so shut up about it already,” the question about what’s actually in those documents is still with us. (Especially considering the average American family paid a far larger proportion of their far smaller incomes than the $20 million that Mitt admits to.)
It’s got to be juicy, or he’d join with most the other Presidential candidates of the last forty years and let the public see the numbers. Here are the top ten reasons Romney may want to withhold the information:
10. He’s really really modest about all those charities he donates to that help the poor children of liberals
9. He’s paid more than the 13.9% he disclosed and doesn’t want to look bad to his Bain buddies
8. He gave away all his money to the Church and is living off horse show proceeds only.
7. His evil twin hacked into all his accounts and made off with the dough to a secret hideaway in the South of France
6. A ten-year-old computer whiz named Otto living in New Jersey hacked into all his accounts and diverted them to funding his college education at Reed.
5. He gambled them all away in Vegas while on a mission for the Church to save the heathens on the Strip.
4. He used the money to bribe the Olympic judges into giving his wife’s horse a better score then it deserved.
3. He joined with Michael Vick in funding animal rights organizations.
1. He pushed the wrong button on the Palestine Liberation Organization site and donated all his money to funding a statue of Arafat to be erected in Jerusalem instead of telling them to burn in hell.