Sarah Running in 2012

sarah palin winks“The main problem in any democracy is that the crowd-pleasers are generally brainless swine who can go out on a stage and whup their supporters into an orgiastic frenzy – then go back to the office and sell every one of the poor bastards down the tube for a nickel apiece. Probably the rarest form of life in American politics is the man who can turn on a crowd and still keep his head straight – assuming it was straight in the first place. –Hunter S. Thompson: Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72

As usual, Dr. Thompson was about as right as can be when he wrote those words in late March of 1972. So much sage wisdom emanated from that IBM Selectric of his – and in all-too-short a time. I realize that his best years were long behind him when he pointed a gun to his head five years ago and ended his life. That doesn’t mean that I miss him any less. It has been said by some that the poor guy was in a blind funk after the reelection of George W. Bush. I can relate. I might have followed him into eternity had I been so inclined. But at the time, I was just finding my groove, so to speak.

We can also forgive the good doctor for referring to “the man who can turn on a crowd”. Thirty-eight years ago, women in elected office were few and far between. And the ones who were lucky enough to be pioneer feminists – women like Bella Abzug, Millicent Fenwick, Shirley Chisholm, and Margaret Chase Smith – tended to be fairly sensible, rational people. As far as I can remember, not one of them was a bat shit reactionary on the level of Sarah Palin.

Which brings me to the nasty subject of this piece you are reading. Back on January 19, I speculated on the possibility of a Palin candidacy in 2012. Actually, “speculation” is the wrong word. It was pure, stratospheric fantasy on my part. Not even when I was a regular user of LSD over three decades ago, did my mind ever conjure up a vision that weird. As I wrote at the time:

I am going to wish upon a star that Sarah Palin gets the nod of her party in three years. It would only mean electoral doom for them. I cannot believe that the American people, in the end, would be nutty enough to send her to the Executive Mansion in 2012. I realize that this is merely a pipe dream on my part, but it is not out of the realm of possibility. So far out of the main stream has that party drifted in the last thirty years, a Sarah Palin candidacy is not only possible, it’s damned-near inevitable!”

Again, I must emphasize that this was wishful thinking on my part; the result of, perhaps, too many vodkas and vegetable juices – or maybe even an acid flashback. The sensible side of me kept saying, “It’ll never happen”. Now I’m not so sure.

Last week on his MSNBC program, Hardball, Chris Matthews (whom I think is one of the smartest sons-of-bitches out there) laid out the scenario in black and white:

  • Our Miss Sarah makes a good showing – and perhaps even wins – the Iowa Caucuses due to the heavy presence of the evangelical vote in that state.
  • She can’t possibly beat Mitt Romney near his home turf in the New Hampshire primary, but she takes a respectable second place – which causes the Romney campaign to implode overnight.
  • Next stop: South Carolina – where the average voter in any given Republican primary has the IQ of a bag of soiled laundry. Remember 2000? It was in South Carolina where the people practically handed the nomination to George W. Bush, thus obliterating the candidacy of John McCain – who until that moment had been the presumptive nominee. By this point Sarah has all the momentum she needs to glide handily to the convention and the nomination.

Could it actually happen? My luck has never gotten that good! But what a treat that would be: FASCIST BARBIE as the nominee of a major political party? A woman who quit her job as governor of Alaska in order to make a quick buck (in fact many millions of them) and then had the gall to blame the naughty liberal media for her decision to bail out on the people of that state? Such a possibility would be too good to be true! Oh, please, fate! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please!

Please bear in mind that I only wish her the nomination because she could never get elected. Her candidacy would only guarantee the reelection of Barack Obama come Election Day, right?….RIGHT??? I’m still enough of a cockeyed optimist to believe in my heart that the American electorate wouldn’t do something as drastic and foolish as sending Gidget von Braun to the White House.

Whoa! But wait a minute….What if she was elected? What if we were to wake up on the morning after the election to find the jackasses on FOX and Friends beside themselves with glee, chanting like rabid little myna birds , “PRESIDENT-ELECT PALIN! PRESIDENT-ELECT PALIN!” What then? I actually have given some thought to this mind-numbing, dreadful possibility.

After thinking the subject over carefully, I have concluded that I am one of the very few people in this country who make under a million dollars per year who will actually benefit from a Palin administration. As I wrote on this site a number of months ago, I’m the kind of guy who, if you give me a bag of nasty tasting lemons, I’ll go out and make a delicious pitcher of juicy lemonade.

Take our ex-president – now hiding deep within the bunker under his home in Dallas: While George W. Bush was the worst thing to ever happen to the country that I love so much, the half-witted little bastard is the best thing that ever happened to me! The blog you are now reading is as much his legacy as anyone’s. For a person who makes his or her name satirizing the train wreck that American politics has become in the last quarter century, the very idea of a Palin White House is enough to make all of us salivate like a kennel full of Pavlov’s dogs, awoken from their blissful slumber by the bells of doom.

sarah palin with gunsWho would be second on the ticket with her? It definitely could not be another woman (although Michele Bachman would be an answer to my prayers) and it couldn’t be another white Christian male. My guess would be Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal or the Buddy Holly lookalike (and Jewish) Senator Eric Cantor. Either one of them would give the ticket the “balance” that was needed. Wouldn’t a campaign as twisted as that be a scream?

What would the possibility of a President Palin mean for the United States? It would probably mean the death of this country – but that would be a fait accompli as far as I’m concerned. A people stupid enough to send someone like that to the White House deserves everything that happens to them.

Afterthought 6/26/10:Do I really want something that horrible to happen to America? Of course not. As disappointed as I am in Obama, I want to see him reelected two-and-a-half years from now. He may not be the ideal progressive but what alternative do we have? A third party uprising? That would be suicide. Barring the unforeseen, I have every intention of casting my ballot for him on the first Tuesday of November 2012. I’m just saying that, should the worst occur and America is cursed by one or two terms of a Palin presidency – I’ll do quite well, thank you very much. I will be burdened with more material than I’ll know what to do with. As Frank Sinatra once sang, “Don’t worry ’bout me, I’ll get along.”

Scooby-dooby-do, baby!

Tom Degan
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

SUGGESTED READING:

Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ‘ 72
by Hunter S. Thompson

It’s still in print and is one of the finest (and definitely the funniest) book ever written about American campaign journalism. I am now in the process of re-reading it for the fourth or fifth time. It is one of the essentials of political literature. Seriously, I cannot recommend this book enough.

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Comments

  1. Mad Jayhawk says

    Hilarious. A relatively inexperienced woman (a WOMAN!!) is causing heart palpations among those who gloriously supported a man who never ran anything in his entire life other than political campaigns for the nation’s highest office, an office requiring such varied and complex managerial abilities that some of the nation’s best managers have deemed themselves to be unworthy and not run for it. The monumental stupidity of those who supported this individual would be laughable if they hadn’t put our country’s future in this inexperienced doofus’s hand. And now they whine about the possibility of another inexperienced charismatic person (a doofus) doing the same thing. What a joke. And feeble complaints about her cashing in on her fame are even funnier when you think about how the Clinton’s cashed in, and I mean cashed in to the point of money-grubbing, on their fame once free of the White House and the left’s total silence about that trailer park behavior.

    Palin’s story is amazing and actually worthy of admiration. She, I hope, does not run for President. She is totally unqualified in my view. But what she is doing is very interesting from a general political viewpoint. What I think she is doing is trying to take over Hillary’s role as the person women support. If she can get some of the Democratic and Independent women’s just-because-she-is-woman support she will have a strong base that is hard to ignore. She can either use that for her run at the presidency or use it as a bargaining chip for a high position in a likely 2012 Republican administration. It will be interesting to watch how this plays out because Obama seems to have abandoned women and I don’t see a Republican who can appeal to them. If this is really her strategy then what you will see is her directly going all out for the black woman’s vote. A lot of woman, including black ones, are really mad about what is happening in this country right now. They probably won’t buy that old standby it is Bush’s fault argument.

  2. says

    How can there be any doubt that Palin will run, barring some disastrous fiasco? She obviously lusts for it. She may actually not be any dumber than George W. Her popular appeal going in is obviously much stronger, at least among her fans. The big reactionary powers love her as a way to manipulate the poor folks they plan to dump after the election, as they go on to try to manipulate her. (I think some Germans may have had similar designs in the 1930s, but all that did not quite work out.) I can not imagine that this country has actually got to the point where Palin could be elected, but I may be totally out of touch with reality. I really expect that she and her “movement” will march out into the desert, dry up, and blow away, but it is scary to trust in that. Besides, the Supreme Court staged a judicial coup in 2000, that could always happen again if there is any place in the outcome of the election to hang a lawsuit. Today’s court is clearly at least as dangerous as the one in 2000.

  3. Jay Levenberg,Esq. says

    The truth of the matter is that the Republican Party usually nominates people that have previously lost their nomination- ie: Reagan, BushI, McCain and the next in line would be Romney. I fully expect him to be their next nominee. If housing and employment are still in the tank, Romney will be elected. If those two factors are positive by 2012, Obama will be re-elected. It isn’t much more complex than that. We wouldn’t be facing a potential disaster this November had this Administration worked on only those two things instead of a variety of other matters, while laudible, are not what the American people believed we needed at the moment. After this November, Obama will see the signal he missed in the Mass. election and get to work on the issues that Americans care about the most.

    • Wes Tipton says

      The jackasses on Fox? You mean the conservatives who are the only ones with enough love for this country to lay bare the hypocrisy of the liberal media and the incredible stupidity and incompetence that has been shown over the last 18 months. Obama is a failure, as are his hand picked radical far left minions, and the sooner this dangerous but clueless man is gone the sooner we can get back to being a republic.
      This country is not going to follow this muslim down the road of socialism/communisim no matter how hard he and you blindless libs want that. Why anyone would want to destroy the strongest nation on this planet for the absurd utopia that this adminstartaion craves is a mystery to me, but come November the ship will begin to slowly right itself.
      Is Palin Presidentail material? No, but then again neither is Obama…

      • says

        “This country is not going to follow this muslim down the road of socialism/communisim no matter how hard he and you blindless libs want that.”

        Geez. If the right wing were any dumber, they would not be able to tie their shoelaces. The velcro shoe market would skyrocket.

        Obama is not a Muslim, nor a socialist, nor a communist. He is a right-of-center politician who isn’t doing a very good job of governing, but at least he isn’t lying his ass off about “weapons of mass destruction” that don’t exist or starting an illegal war. I am not a Muslim, but I am either a socialist or a communist so I know what I am talking about.

        Geez. Obama couldn’t even keep the insurance companies out of Health Care reform. That is not socialist nor is it communist.

        At minimum, it would be a good idea to criticize the President from an informed viewpoint.

  4. HarryJ says

    Ironically, I uttered those same (fateful)words to my friends as we were returning to work from lunch one day in 1979….”I can’t believe that the American people are stupid enough to elect Ronald Reagan president”.

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