Middle Centerville, Ohio, November 5, 2012.
Here in central Ohio, in the last swing state in a deadlocked campaign, with the clock ticking down to election day, we find ourselves on the doorstep of the very last undecided voter. His name: Aloysius Squishy.
A middle-aged, middle-income white voter from a town that is not quite urban but really not rural either, Squishy is unemployed since being laid off two years ago when his employer, Central Squeegee Co., Inc., moved its manufacturing operations to Squalidia.
“I want to like both Obama and Romney,” he affirmed, “but I have my standards! I mean, here’s Romney the rich guy, pretending he likes being around us regular folks. How can you believe that? And Obama, Obama: what kind of a name is that for a President of the United States of America? Like, he just doesn’t seem to be the right kind of person to be President; you know what I mean?
“These deficits! They’re burying us! We’re mortgaging our grandchildren! We got to do something about it. But don’t you touch Social Security or Medicare! That’s not welfare! We earned it! Take it all out of foreign aid: we’re constantly giving trillions of dollars to countries that hate us. And the spongers, the welfare cheats: they should just get a job like everybody else.
“I need a job myself, and I’ve been trying, but hey, you just can’t find a squeegee-squashing job anymore. They sent them all to Squalidia! That’s Romney for you: talks all the time about how he knows how to create jobs. Right! Somewhere else at poverty wages!
“Sure, I could get a job at McDonald’s, but hey, been there done that when I was young. Now I got a mortgage and a family, I got a boat and a cabin, I ain’t goin’ back. But I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I need some help to get back in the game.
“But I don’t trust Obama with all that government spending. He says he’s going to make it easier for people to find jobs, but the government always wastes money, you know?”
“My tax money! Well, it would be my tax money if I actually paid taxes, but I’m unemployed, you know? But I’m not one of these chronic welfare sponges. I’ve just hit a little bump in the road here. Little help!
“So I just don’t know. Neither one thinks like me. Maybe I just won’t vote. That’ll show ‘em!”
Posted: monday, 22 Ocober 2012