Algebra: Unbiblical Arab Plot

Teaching AlgebraThe liberal mainstream media and the even more liberal education establishment have been making a big deal lately about how our children are falling behind in math, and how we need to put more money into teaching subjects like algebra. And our closet Muslim president, Barack Hussein Obama, joins the chorus, calling for even more money to be thrown down the rat hole of the federal Education Department, so it can pursue its jackbooted objective of imposing totalitarian rule on the nation’s schools.

It’s time for patriotic Americans to stand up and say, “No More!” The Three Rs were enough for our Founding Fathers, and the Three Rs are enough for us today.

We are a Christian Nation, and the fact is that there is ABSOLUTELY NO ALGEBRA IN THE BIBLE! Why should we be teaching our children an unbiblical ideology? Noah could build the Ark just knowing how to count cubits. Why, most children today have no knowledge of cubits, a good Biblical measure. Instead, the Liberal Establishment is trying to indoctrinate them with this secular doctrine, algebra. It’s all part of the liberal plot to enslave America.

Think about it. Algebra is all about equality! They want us to think that equality is correct. If the two sides of an algebra equation aren’t equal, they’re wrong. How un-American can it be, to demand perfect equality? It’s utopian socialism, that’s what!

They don’t want us to know that, not only is algebra not in the Bible; it is in fact an INVENTION OF THE ARABS, who are Muslims, as everyone knows. The very word is an Arabic word! Every time one of our children even pronounces that word, they slide deeper into the sinister Oriental secularist plot to bring Shariah Law to our very homes.

john peeler

So stand up, America! We don’t need no algebra. We draw the line at a good American principle: long division.

John Peeler

Posted: Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Published by the LA Progressive on August 29, 2012
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About John Peeler

John Peeler is a retired professor of political science at Bucknell University, specializing in Latin American and international affairs. His op-ed essays have appeared in The Christian Science Monitor and USA Today, as well as many in local papers in central Pennsylvania where he lives. He has had letters published in both the New York Times and the Washington Post.


  1. Those low-life AY-RABS! And to think them started this neyfarious plot to take over Merica in the 13th century. Wow, them Ay-rabs am smart. They got started atakin us over 3 hundred years before Columbus sailded and 5 hundred years before our great forefathers was bornded! .

    Yep, we might as well be givin up now. They already got us licked.

  2. JoeWeinstein says:

    Thank heavens our traditional USA 3R system is working! As illustrated by the prior comment of George M, Americans have been successfully protected from subversive un-American literary tricks like Peeler’s satire, in fact don’t even recognize them.

    Anyway, the nefarious potential of Arabian, Persian, Hindu, Chinese, etc. math is real. More even than algebra, an even greater Arabic danger is algorithm (a word derived from the Arabic tag, Al Khorazmi – ‘the Khorassanian’ – given to a non-Arab mathematician from Khorasan NE of Iran). The present liberal attempt to sneak in algebra is nothing compared to what those nasty liberal nerds are really trying get us to do: run algorithms on our computers.

  3. George Matkovits says:

    Sadly this article is absolute nonsense! No Algebra? In the age of the Mars Rover and iPhone? — George (Minnesota, an EE)

    • hmmmmmmmmm. I suppose you can be forgiven for not recognizing sarcasm when you see it. after all it’s a Greek word – and Greece is closer to Saudi Arabia than the US is – so maybe those Greeks got it from them Ay-rabs. So, just like algebra, it’s origins might be Islamic and we can’t have THAT!

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