An Open Letter to the GOP: Transvaginally Speaking

garry trudeau abortionHi guys…

The Los Angeles Times ran strips by the brilliant cartoonist Garry Trudeau, creator of “Doonesbury,” in the paper’s Opinion section. Not the comic section.

Culminating on March 17, the strips depict a young woman at an abortion clinic being chastised by a male legislator who calls her a “slut” while a doctor rebukes her by reading a scripted greeting from Texas Governor Perry in advance of her “compulsory transvaginal exam.” Before the exam, the woman is placed in a “shaming room.”

In the final strip, the woman asks what room she goes to for the abortion procedure and she is told to come back in 24 hours because “the Republican Party is hoping you get caught in a shame spiral and change your mind.” She is then given a bill to cover the cost of the compulsory transvaginal exam.

Nancy Sullivan, a spokeswoman for the Times, said, “When taken in its entirety the editors of the Los Angeles Times determined that the series is not appropriate for our comics pages.”

Santorum has said, “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think (of) the dangers of contraception in this country…Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay.”

Limbaugh was brutal, “If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.”

The bill Perry signed, the catalyst for the strips, requires the vaginal insertion of a special transducer to make sure the sonogram finds the fetal heartbeat.

Wanna-be conservative Romney is now saying he would get rid of Planned Parenthood completely.

“This is happening in statehouses across the country,” Trudeau said in a statement defending his cartoons. “It’s lunacy, and lunacy, of course, is in my wheelhouse.”

Trudeau couldn’t be more correct. And, this is not the conversation anyone wants to hear during the GOP presidential primary. Surely, guys, you can’t be that interested in poking around under a woman’s panties. Why not think about your own daughters and granddaughters?

I would suggest Mr. Trudeau take us even further down the path of lunacy by composing strips showing similar compulsory exams for men!  After all, men are half of the pregnancy equation.

For instance, we need a law that every male must masturbate and submit a sperm sample to make sure his sperm is healthy and in sufficient quantity to produce a child. Would that make a suitable cartoon strip? Some in the GOP might even demand a video!

Another strip could depict a male undergoing a vigorous prostate exam to be sure that enough prostatic fluid is being produced to protect the sperm at the time of ejaculation. The male must agree to an anal probe for the purpose of stimulating the production of prostatic fluid. Of course, a video of the rectal/prostate exam must be made.

Copies of all videos will be sent to the Republican National Committee.

carl matthes

And, guys, for those not cooperating, there is a mandatory penalty: a vasectomy. (For a vasectomy you recline on a table under a surgical cloth with only the scrotum visible. A local anesthetic is injected into the scrotum. Once the scrotum is numb, the doctor gathers a fold of skin, punctures it, allowing a pair of forceps inside the scrotum. The doctor grabs the vas deferens, a white tube which allows sperm to travel from the testes to the penis, and pulls it outside of the scrotum. The tube is cut, cauterized, the ends tied-up and put back into the scrotum.)

Video anyone?

The bill for all of this will be paid for by the GOP.

OK, guys, who’s first on the table?

Carl Matthes

Published by the LA Progressive on March 18, 2012
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
About Carl Matthes

Carl Matthes is a native of Los Angeles and has lived in Eagle Rock for 45 years. He is the current president of UGLA, Uptown Gay and Lesbian Alliance, a grassroots organization in Northeast Los Angeles which provides a support system for gay men and lesbians and education for individuals and the community-at-large on the true nature of homosexuality. He is a former columnist and a current advisor to the Lesbian News, the oldest lesbian publication in America, which is owned and published by his sister, Ella. He was editor of the GLAAD/LA (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) newsletter, a former GLAAD National Board member and served as a GLAAD/LA representative on the LGBT/LAPD Advisory Board. Carl has also been a Board member of AIDS Healthcare Foundation.

In July, 2008, Carl was legally married to Carl Johnson, his partner of 45 years, by Los Angels City Councilmember Jose Huizar. It was a unique gay/lesbian double ceremony as Carl's sister Ella and her partner Gladi were also married by Jose.