Dan Embree: Today a MAGA-Meister, the Greatest Ever, has been born unto you. This will be a sign unto you: in town, you will find a fat man looking and acting like a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes (whatever that means) and eating cheeseburgers.
Dan Embree: You may not be able, at least in the short term, to prevent the scientists from thinking with the term “science-based”, but if you prevent them from spreading its use in print, you may be able, eventually, to keep the inhabitants of your counties in Michigan and Pennsylvania from believing in it.
Dan Embree: It’s not that we were fond of her, since truth to tell, we had never heard of her, and not because we appreciated the work she did as Director of White House Communications, since we were unaware that the White House worried about communications enough to direct it
Dan Embree: Not a disaster! And not my fault! It was Mitch and the write-ins and that pedi . . . peder . . . pedo . . . whatever. I’m not responsible for this catastrophe!
Dan Embree: I think you’ve got her confused with Hope Hicks, She’s the one who sits at his feet and steams his pants. While he’s wearing them. I read that in Business Insider.
Dan Embree: The establishment Republicans here in Gatos Gordos are trying to hide their glee at their party’s loss, but they know that Steve Bannon has been emasculated, and hypermasculation was all he had going for him.
Dan Embree: Melba’s idea is that you use your bully pulpit – Note: the word “bully” here could be misunderstood – to make kids grasp the need for a Generous, Reflective, Orderly Willingness To Foster Unifying Principles. She wants to call the program GROWTFUP!
Dan Embree: Now the state Republican committee has refused to endorse our county chair, Orrin Romney, for Mayor of Sal Si Puede, who is not even a nephew of whatshisname, unless he stops using the last part, which is awkward because it’s his last name.
Dan Embree: It looks like their candidate will be Rod Pipes, currently out on bail on his latest molestation charge – his sixth, but none have stuck so far, so he’s back to driving the school bus.
Dan Embree: “I know for a fact there are a lot of happy people in this room because [you’re in my presence and I’ve just given you a very special Christmas gift] – Jerusalem.
Dan Embree: When your lawyers assure you and the public that “collusion is not a crime”, they are choosing to cover the accusations against you and your campaign with a term they know is irrelevant.
Dan Embree: TV commercials feature a woman in black leather leotard wielding a whip while actors resembling Roy Moore and Harvey Weinstein lead small children in healthy games.
Dan Embree: Charles I had tried out the idea of personal power by saying, “Princes are not bound to give an account of their Actions but to God alone.” Less elegant than the French, the English parliament settled that theological argument with an axe.