Dan Embree: The shootings in Parkland (like all such shootings, from Sandy Hook to Las Vegas) will send gun sales climbing as frightened citizens rush to protect themselves and will send gun stocks soaring as smug investors see opportunities to profit from the dead kids.
Dan Embree: My missile thing must be bigger! Longer! I want it painted red. And I want a golden carriage shaped like a pumpkin pulled by seven dwarfs like Caesar had! Pence?
Dan Embree: In a husky whisper, she murmurs, “The boss says y’all are gettin’ rowdy down here. He wants me to impose a little . . . “ she rubs the crop against the podium . . . “discipline.”
Dan Embree: When you’re pretending to be “working the phones”, you need some props. Scatter some folders around. Use video instead of stills. Scribble intensely on some paper while moving your lips.
Dan Embree: The county big-wigs all insisted on being included because when it comes to art, they are all hands-ons, stand-up guys.
Dan Embree: “That’s our guy!” cheered Big Luster Gufstafson, who noted that you were encouraging immigration from non-shithole countries like Norway.
Dan Embree: A genius move was to lure that fake writer, Michael Wolff, into the White House where he fell into your trap and dragged some staffers into it after him, confessing that they consider you child-like, mentally unstable, crazy, and stupid.
Dan Embree: Melba Thumper drove all the way to Albuquerque and stood in line before dawn to get a copy, and she’s been serving up snippets to her customers along with the beer. They’re almost all Trumpons, of course, but it’s easy to see they’re fascinated.
Dan Embree: I’m wondering why I got ten replies to a letter I didn’t send. I have several hypotheses. You could check the one that applies.
Dan Embree: Finally, the Bannon book (OK, the Wolff book) revealing that Jared is a “suck-up”, that Ivanka is “dumb as a brick”, that Junior will “crack like an egg” once Mueller shines a light in his face, and that you are “an idiot surrounded by clowns”.
Dan Embree: Podium Mistress: “I’ll make those little size-nine smart-asses with their little mocking smiles and their little accurate facts and their crisp little memories for what I said yesterday wish they’d gone to nursing school.”
Dan Embree: Charles and David K, having proved the cringing obedience of congressional Republicans, will demand a Constitutional amendment outlawing campaign contributions below $100,000.
Dan Embree: When Rachel Maddow refers to “Flynn’s Turkey Links”, she means: A) Connections between your former aide and the country who was ACTUALLY paying him….