Dan Embree: Conway couldn’t pull herself out of campaign-rally mode, couldn’t see the Weinstein scandal as anything but another vehicle for attacking the Clintons.
Dan Embree: We are waiting to find out whether you are a victim like Dunaway or a villain like Huston. Of course, as a true Trumpista, I’m betting on the former.
Dan Embree: Even Padre Pedro over at Nuestra Señora de Pequeños Inconvenientes says “Happy Hanukkah” to his poker buddy, Rebbi “Straight Flush” Green, and Reb always comes to the Christmas Fair.
Dan Embree: Pence wants your job and is pretty sure that God intends for him to have it. He’ll pretend to drag his feet, of course, but in the end (say, after 15 minutes) he’ll let God have His way.
Dan Embree: “No matter how poor and ugly you are, you can draw comfort from the knowledge that if you were as rich as me, people would think you beautiful.”
Dan Embree: Dawn Patrol orderly missed shift again. Went to rouse T. Already escaped. Cell-phone drawer in the Oval pried open. Secret Service phone-location sensor tracked him to broom closet on third floor. Found him typing in his underwear.
Dan Embree: Your base is fine with straight-out lies, for sure, but that weaselly stuff about not descending to petty nonsense reminds them of Clinton’s “I did not have sex* with that woman*”.
Dan Embree: Doofus” is still a bit hard on your ego, I know, but your ego is big enough – tremendous, actually – to live with it.
Dan Embree: Remember when I advised you to check with somebody with a working brain before making any statements? That rules out Hope Hicks, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Sanders, Steven Miller, and all of your relatives.
Dan Embree: OK, we also know it was a small and carefully vetted crowd, but still, you made them act out a pageant of subservience to authority that is guaranteed to go over big up here in Actual America. Which you are making Great Again by putting them in their place.
Dan Embree: Instead of going to Puerto Rico next week, explain that you’re too busy preparing for the invasion of Venezuela or the elimination of all forms of life on the Korean Peninsula – and instead of going yourself, send Pence.
Dan Embree: Dear Diary, Iran fired a missile two days ago. CIA denies it, but I have sources. Relief supplies flooding into PR, but they don’t know what to do with them, without me to tell them. Cheeseburgers at midnight. Got to keep night staff on their toes.
Dan Embree: I’m glad that my messages are getting through again. Last spring someone in the White House – was it Hope Hicks? – was blocking my emails, so I had to send them through friends.