Dan Embree: The major purpose of the bill is to cut the nominal business tax from 35 to 20 percent – “nominal” he said, because no businesses except those run by fools actually pay 35 percent what with all the loop-holes that lobbyists have already built into the tax code.
Dan Embree: When the ICE guys demanded the cooperation of Basura law enforcement guys, they found out it was just one guy, Thomas Jefferson Cervantes, who answered every demand by saying, “Que?” After a while they went away.
Dan Embree: We’ve taken up a collection at the Retrofit to pay Junior’s legal expenses because somebody heard that the Republican National Committee, who had been paying those expenses, remembered that he wasn’t on their payroll and that ex-DNC Chair Reince Priebus (remember him?) was on their payroll and they weren’t picking up his tab.
Dan Embree: Don’t be under any illusions about Jared’s loyalty to you in the long run. He knows about prison life from when his father was doing federal time, and, count on it, his dreams feature a 300-pound cell-mate named Raul with tattoos on his face.
Dan Embree: AG Jeff “The Amnesiac” Sessions allowed the DOJ to drop the charges against a woman who laughed at him during his confirmation hearing, when the judge ruled that laughing at a clown is protected by the First Amendment.
Dan Embree: Melba’s been complaining that Melania doesn’t seem to have a “thing” – you know like Nancy Reagan had ”Just Say No”, which solved the drug problem that time, and Betty Ford had “breast cancer awareness”
Dan Embree: I think Ms Briskman is what is called “trending”. So it is time to “shift the narrative”, by which I mean scare the bejesus out of everybody by pointing menacingly somewhere else – maybe at Venezuela or Ukraine.
Dan Embree: My old friend Xi was still talking about that chocolate cake at Mar-a-lago, the same night I bombed Iran or one of those places.
Dan Embree: Jeff Sessions runs as a write-in candidate against Moore and the Democrat whose name nobody remembers and beats them both
Dan Embree: In the century since the civilizing British Army laid down its White Man’s Burden, Pambia has been invaded by its neighbors many times, but its strategy is always to take a knee (usually two knees actually) and then go on welfare.
Dan Embree: Because we’ve heard that a few wacky members of Congress have said that bump stocks are only useful for killing people in crowds, we would like to add a few insights into their peaceful uses.
Dan Embree: To change a light bulb, you must first A) unscrew the old bulb, B) order a bulb-changing kit from Amazon, C) go to a room where there is more light, D) call the butler.
Dan Embree: Although that Alabama teenager may remind people that the beauty contestants you bragged about walking in on while they were naked were also teenagers, there were dozens of them and so nothing untoward could have happened.