Dan Embree: We concluded that all killings with guns, if not committed by Muslims or minorities, were mental health problems. And you can’t predict what crazy people do.
Dan Embree: Richard III, in real life as on the stage, paid a price for his conduct later on. His naked corpse, thrown over a saddle, was paraded into Leicester and dumped into a hasty grave.
Dan Embree: There’s no current Chief of Protocol either. This is the guy who instructs you on how to greet officials and warns you about actions that might be offensive to your hosts – like, say, throwing things at crowds or patting Xi Jinping’s wife of the buttocks.
Dear Mr. President: Chloe goes around her neighborhood saying “Trick or Treat”, but the householders all refuse to give her candy, so she punctures their tires. This is called anarchy.
Dan Embree: To really piss Jared off, take Ivanka along as Special Advisor on Far Eastern Commerce. She can visit her workers during their once-daily 10-minute break.
Friday, 3 November 2017 Dear Mr President, Like a lot of Americans, I’m struggling to keep the story straight, so I’ve worked out the following Dramatis Personae. Let me know if I’ve got it right: George Papadopoulos – “a young low-level volunteer . . . who very few people knew”, though one of the very […]
Dan Embree: This is a trick question and not fair at all, but I will explain it in the next short period of time because I know more about ice than Admiral Byrd.
Wednesday, 1 November 2017 Dear Mr President, I was up at the courthouse yesterday (waiting to testify in a disorderly conduct case from the Retrofit, when a couple of very fine people from a passing motorcycle gang called the Sons of Confederate Nazis objected to sharing the bar with the Contreras brothers – just a […]
Dan Embree: Why does one of the self-proclaimed richest men in American need money from the truck drivers and construction workers who drink down at the Retrofit?
Dan Embree: It was all going well when Chris Christie came into the Atlantic City franchise for his usual mid-afternoon double-jumbo bacon-turkey-salami-pepperoni-anchovy four-cheese “Garbage-Can” pizza with tomatoes, onions, garlic, mushrooms, jalapenos, and red cabbage with extra gluten.
Dan Embree: That probably hurts, but you knew what you signed up for. Besides, I like veterans who don’t get wounded.”
Dan Embree: The whole document seems to be written by some guy who got an A in Freshman English and never got over it.
Dan Embree: But the thing is that in the year or so likely to elapse between the selling off of the monument and the opening of the new casino here, we are going to suffer like those Puerto Ricans we read about, except that we’ll still have water, electricity, schools, roofs, and the Retrofit Roadhouse.