Billionaire Dispatches: We’re Buy-Partisan

max baucus

Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: “Corporatist” Dems pander to the same socially liberal causes as their fellow Dems, but when the time comes, they vote on our behalf to deregulate and privatize and outsource and downsize.

Make My Day, Mitt

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Brent Budowsky: I understand, Mitt. You believe a politician should say anything to get elected. But you can bet your Swiss bank accounts we are better off than we were four years ago. I’ve got an idea:

The Company Without a Face

romney slush fund

Lauren Windsor: Romney Victory paid an untraceable contractor $750,000. Is VG LLC an unregistered business entity? Is the Romney campaign offshoring its fundraising consulting to a foreign contractor? Is VG LLC a slush fund to deposit untraceable money?

4 Good Tips for Democrats This Week

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Dotty Lemieux: Invisible Paul Ryan can dodge and weave an invisible Todd Akin as he tells people his own plan for limiting abortion and protecting Medicare. Real senior citizens can pelt him with mock vouchers from the wings.

5 Things I Want from Charlotte

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Dick Price: I struggled to watch the Republican Convention, fast-forwarding through the recordings when the “snow” got too deep. As I watch the Democrats in Charlotte, I certainly hope I see enough to recover at least a part of my enthusiasm from four years ago.

Mitt on Obama: Mortal Menace, or Fumbling Failure?

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John Peeler: Obama needs to convince the people who voted for him once that he has a good plan. So far, he seems mostly to be telling us how untrustworthy Mitt Romney is. Show us, Barack, that we should still believe in you.

Felonius Ax in Tampa: Finally, One of Our Own

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Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: Mitt showed us his mettle when he was at the helm of Bain – buying up companies – downsizing, outsourcing and squeezing every last drop out of them before leaving behind dried up little husks.

Felonius Ax in Tampa: Ryan’s Big Night

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Clifford “Felonius Ax” Tasner: Brokerage firms will soon be offering Not-A-Lot-of-Future Futures so investors can put money down on when particular geezers will succumb to the ailments that we don’t cover. So it’s really a win-win. Meaning we win and we win again!

Isaac: The Political Gods’ Gift to the GOP

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Nomiki Konst: Scrap the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert! Cancel the Michele Bachmann movie screening! Hurricane Isaac is billowing in, forcing the RNC to deconstruct, reevaluate and hone in on its core message: The Future.