Dan Embree: “Two years ago I was a doctor. An astonishingly excellent one. Had a big-shot patient. Gave him a drug to make his hair grow. Propecia. Trouble was, it made other things shrink.”
Dan Embree: Two cops arrived to investigate Pruitt’s abduction, but when they saw the guy that looked like Avenatti, they started chatting him up and laughing.
Dan Embree: Well, anyway, here we are, two old tough-guy lawyers with a little PR thing, a situation, misunderstanding really, not a problem, not a problem, we can settle it quietly, donchathink?
Dan Embree: The raid on my lawyer’s office – HAHRRIBLE! – prompted me to act. Mikey – Sean and Elliot and I all call him Mikey – has been my lawyer for years, so I know some of my stuff has been illegally scooped up by those slime-ball feds.
Dan Embree: “First, we’ll have a parade. All wars start with a parade. These guys march, and those guys ride horses. I’ll be on a horse.”
Dan Embree: Does your ego not care about the history your great-grandchildren will read? Or the videos they will watch of you making promises on Tuesday that you disavow on Thursday? Not to mention the lies on all the other days of the week?
Dan Embree: Everybody shut up. We think the word is getting out about the tango Donny Spurs danced with La Tempestosa.
Asked about her role in supervising torture at a secret “black site” and in destroying the evidence later, Gina Haspel smiled sweetly and said “Goodness gracious, Dear, are you sure you want to ask that?”
Dan Embree: Well, since you wouldn’t fire them, they just quit. Private industry. Investments. Stuff with money. Cabinet too. Zinke’s selling land in Montana, Carson, furniture in California – you may have noticed that the Lincoln Bedroom is empty. Miller’s into loan-sharking.
Dan Embree: Locking Jared in the WH basement will relieve internal tension because Kelly and McMaster despise him as a twit with no military experience, and he despises them because they are losers who didn’t inherit apartment houses.
Dan Embree: The latest conundrum is that last year Trump signed a bill making it easier for crazy people to get guns. Now, when a crazy kid buys a gun and blows away 14 other kids, he says, ‘Well too bad, he was crazy.’
Dan Embree: The shootings in Parkland (like all such shootings, from Sandy Hook to Las Vegas) will send gun sales climbing as frightened citizens rush to protect themselves and will send gun stocks soaring as smug investors see opportunities to profit from the dead kids.
Dan Embree: My missile thing must be bigger! Longer! I want it painted red. And I want a golden carriage shaped like a pumpkin pulled by seven dwarfs like Caesar had! Pence?