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Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Charlotte.

the rich

We are the smallest, most beleaguered minority in America today. When we squeeze the middle class and consolidate money upwards, all we’re doing is protecting our minority rights. But when we’re called on it, well, that’s class warfare, plain and simple. And that’s a lot of what they’re saying at the Democratic convention – trying to fan the flames of outrage because Mitt Romney’s plan for the economy would raise everyone else’s taxes by a few thousand dollars a year so we can get at least a quarter million dollar tax cut. Outrageous!

But as much as the Democrats are sending a Billionaire-unfriendly message these last 3 days, I have to admit, the last four years haven’t been a bad time to be a Billionaire.

Congress could have passed Medicare for All, and instead, every American under 65 has to buy health insurance from one of our companies.

Even after the Fukushima meltdown, we’re still getting permission to build new nuclear reactors, and the government is on the hook if anything goes awry.

Even after the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, we got the go-ahead to resume drilling in the Gulf. And now we’ve just gotten permission to extend our exploratory wells in the Arctic. And this at a time when even some Republicans are acknowledging man’s role in Global Warming!

After our shenanigans made the economic bubble pop, the only Wall Street regulation that has passed has been the anemic Dodd Frank bill. No one reinstated Glass Steagall, nor enacted the Volker Rule nor the Buffet Rule, so it’s pretty much business as usual.

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And in the wake of the Citizens United decision, which allows us to lavish unlimited, unregulated cash on our candidates, no new Disclosure laws have been passed in anticipation of November’s election.

Now a lot of this legislative inaction is due to our guys’ innovative us of the filibuster in the Senate, but it’s clear that like Bill Clinton before him, Barack Obama seems to be eager to curry our favor much of the time.

Since 1981, we, and the politicians who serve us, have been working to undo the New Deal. Mr. Obama became president when America was reeling from the greatest financial crisis since the Depression. He could have brought Reich, Stieglitz and Krugman into his Administration to help usher in a new New Deal, and instead, he chose Larry Summers and Tim Geithner, our guys, to craft corporate-friendly policies that have been great for us, and just not terrible for the rest of you.

So why are we so determined to crush the Democratic ticket come November? It could be argued that Democratic Administrations are better for the Market and the economy than Republican ones. Well, it’s not as much fun to get a big bowl of ice cream if all the other kids get a little taste of ice cream too. The fact that even a small number of the people whose mortgages are underwater will get help from what was a pretty puny settlement with us takes away all the joy we felt when y’all bailed out our banks. Fair distribution of income irritates us – wealth is more satisfying if fewer of us have it. Being super-rich at a time when many Americans lives are improving incrementally somehow makes it less magical.

clifford felonious ax tasner

Mitt Romney gets this. After all, he’s one of us. And President Romney will usher in an America where only our tiny minority gets to thrive while the rest of you succumb to debt peonage. And being Billionaires will feel extra special once again!

This has been Felonius Ax of the Billionaires, reporting from Tampa.

 Clifford "Felonius Ax" Tasner

Posted: Thursday, 6 September 2012