Wednesday, 13 December 2017
Dear Mr. President,
The Democrats over in Corazones Sagrantes County are trying to put a brave face on their party’s victory in Alabama yesterday, but they are clearly disappointed. “It was a very close, we almost lost,” said county Democratic Committee Chair, Horace Gonzalez. “But unfortunately the voter suppression laws of Alabama didn’t live up to their reputation, and a surge in misplaced enthusiasm for democracy in Alabama has likely spelled disaster for our hopes for democracy in the rest of the country. One more right-wing lunatic in the Senate might have resulted in holding the line in favor of tax breaks for the rich, elimination of health care for the poor, and an all-out assault on the environment. Absent those, we’ll have a tough time in 2018, because people will assume that balance has been restored. And our party always takes any victory to be final. Now people will relax, stay home, and wake up to find Mike Pence running for a second term. Besides, poor states with high levels of DWIs and county corruption need some place to look down on. And up to now Alabama has been there for us.”
The establishment Republicans here in Gatos Gordos are trying to hide their glee at their party’s loss, but they know that Steve Bannon has been emasculated, and hypermasculation was all he had going for him.
The establishment Republicans here in Gatos Gordos are trying to hide their glee at their party’s loss, but they know that Steve Bannon has been emasculated, and hypermasculation was all he had going for him. “We will stand strong behind the president,” said Gatos Gordos County Republican Chair Orrin Romney, “in his fight against Steve Bannon and his pro-pedophiliac agenda. We understand that accusers are ready to come forward.”
But the Rod Pipes faction of Moore-Ons is clueless, as you might guess. In an interview with The Western Flicker (“We Knock on Every Door”), Pipes bragged that “My numbers exactly doubled during the early returns – up to 17.” He said he plans to make Sal Si Puede the headquarters for a National Accused Molesters Hotline. “We’ll be there with experienced advice,” he said, “the kind novices need. And now that we’ve broken down the last civil-rights barrier in America by getting a credibly accused high-profile child molester on a ballot, we’ll be sponsoring some long-needed reforms – starting with repeal of the discriminatory on-line sex-offender lists.”
We’ve been cheered by your statement that the much publicized last-minute robo-calls in Alabama were fraud – that you and your staff is listening to the recording and that you don’t think it’s your voice.
Received by the White House at 5:09 AM EST, 13 December 2017
Please circulate. And write him a letter or forward this one to: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact