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Dear Tea Party Member

Mike Price: Okay, not hate. But we surely feel sorry for sheep-like tea party puppets destroying our country for no other reason than they’re too mentally lazy to think for themselves.

Despite the deaf ears upon which this falls, it must be stated clearly:

teabagger howl

My friends, neighbors, and I are liberals, but absolutely not Nazis.

We’re democrats, but definitely not communists.

We’re concerned with our society, but certainly not socialists.

We’re patriots, but not for profit.

We do critical thinking, not mindless criticism.

Some of us are not Caucasian, but all of us are not ignorant bigots.

Some of us are huggers, but not all of us are tree-huggers.

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Get it? We’re mixed and we’re positive. Those are our strengths.

Don’t misunderstand. We do hate a couple of things:

  • War. We hate it because, unlike most of your leaders, we actually fought one. We’re the guys who didn’t get phony deferments, who put our asses on the line and in the line of fire, and who have earned the respect of most Americans other than yourselves.
  • Ignorance: Your leaders treasure yours. We hate ignorance because yours is being manipulated for greedy political profit. We want to wipe out the ignorance that feeds your insane delusion that Fox news and its obedient right-wing media millionaires give a rat’s ass about, a) the American people, b) America’s future, or, c) the truth.
  • Lemmings. Okay, not hate. But we surely feel sorry for sheep-like tea party puppets destroying our country for no other reason than they’re too mentally lazy to think for themselves.

What I'm doing here is begging you to do one simple thing. It’ll be good for you, your health, and your country. Please try it. You might like it. Here it is:

Mike Price

Open your mind.

Michaelangelo Price

Mike Price is a long-time newspaper columnist, talk show host, and screenwriter who appears as a standup comedy headliner for top clubs and casinos across the country.