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Clash of the Half Wits

Tom Degan: Not only would the candidacy of Sarah Palin guarantee the reelection of Barack Obama, it would be a months-long holiday for political satirists everywhere.

The campaign of 2012 kicked off with the first GOP debate in New Hampshire.

gop slate

The title of this piece, "Clash of the Half Wits", is somewhat of a misnomer. It must be conceded that Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich are fairly astute guys. The problem is the fact that Paul is a tad dotty, and Gingrich is as corrupt as they come. That leaves us with Romney.

I'll be honest with you: Of any potential GOP candidate to seek the Oval Office this year, Mitt is the first one since Gerald Ford whom I can honestly say that I won't lose a lot of sleep over if he is elected - certainly not as much as I lost during the years 2001-2009 when Dastardly Dubya and Sickie Dick were destroying this beautiful country. Although I could never bring myself to vote for him, Romney is really much more moderate than anything the Republicans have vomited out onto the national political stage in a generation or more. The only reason he looks so extreme these days is simply because the only way to win the nomination of that disgusting party, a candidate needs to say and do a lot of really stupid things. Fear not. I have been Mitt watching for a number of years now. He is not quite the dunce he would appear to be.

Mitt Romney's problem is that his "moderateness" is perceived by the Republican base as left wing extremism. Add this to the fact that he is a Mormon and you can come to no other conclusion than that he has four strikes against him. If the religious bigots who have hijacked "the party of Lincoln" end up giving him the nomination, it will only be out of sheer desperation; but I just can't see that happening. Casey Anthony will be named Mother of the Year before that ever happens. Don't hold your breath.

mitt romney

There is also the inconvenient reality of the health care plan he offered the people of Massachusetts when he was governor. It actually inspired the Big Black Bolshevik Boogieman who currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Tim Pawlenty is now referring to it as "Obomney Care". No, I think we can write off poor old Mitt.


When you wish upon a star , makes no difference Then there is the "Palin factor". As I've fantasized before, my dream would be for her to get the nomination. Not only would the candidacy of Sarah Palin guarantee the reelection of Barack Obama, it would be a months-long holiday for political satirists everywhere. Just think how mind-fuckingly twisted her campaign might be? I wouldn't even have to touch my keyboard from convention to election. These things would literally write themselves!who you are....

sarah palin rolling thunder

Although she hasn't officially announced yet (C'mon, Sarah!) she is making all the moves that would anticipate her throwing the proverbial hat into the ring. Her idiotic sycophants have even produced a movie (I'm hard-pressed to refer to it as a "documentary") that praises her as the best thing to happen to American politics since the invention of the hanging chad. The title of the film? GET THIS: "The Undefeated". No, I'm not making this up. I'm just not that clever.

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Rep. Michelle Backman (Rep. Stillwater, Minnesota)

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Recent days have seen a decided chasm in the relationship between Sarah and her compatriot in idiocy, Michele Bachmann. The first volley was fired off by Bachmann spokes-dude and GOP strategist Ed Rollins on MSNBC's Hardball when he told Chris Matthews that Palin should not be taken seriously. It was a remark that riled the feathers of Fascist Barbi's camp as you might imagine. I'm positively giddy with anticipation at the very thought of watching the two of them trying to take each other down.

Like a bolt out of the view, fate steps in to see you through.

Last week saw the utter implosion of the campaign of Newt "The Hoot" Gingrich. It really was something to behold: His entire campaign staff quit on him. It doesn't get much better than this, does it? But our man Newt is gonna keep on keepin' on. He told the Los Angeles Republican Jewish Coalition the other day that he has no intention of giving up - and I believe him. Hang in there, Newt!

I cannot wait for this debate tonight. Not in my lifetime has a more colorful assortment of reactionary freaks and fools gathered in one place to debate "affairs of state". The comic possibilities are endless. Hopefully enough people will tune in to take a good look at what has happened to that party. This is too good to describe.

As of this hour, Texas governor Rick Perry is contemplating getting into the race: RICK PERRY??? Oh, please, fate.

When you wish upon a star your dreams come true.

Tom Degan
The Rant