The Boringwit's Report
Hillary Clinton indicated her strong support for the New Enriched Math Program of the Democratic Party, by which Bernie Sanders loses delegates with each of his primary victories. Party Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz stated that a special Math Team was established to ensure proper primary results. The team is advised by a committee of Super Delegates. Its chair said that members were inspired by news reports of mainstream media pundits who refuse to alter their view that Sanders is a very fringe candidate. Technical support will be provided by leaders of the Colorado Party, especially about methods to arrange miscalculations that are in favor of Clinton.
Candidate Hillary Clinton observed that the team exhibits the same virtues of pragmatism that she has claimed for herself during the campaign. She asked that the team next be assigned to evaluate the security of her private computer system when she was Secretary of State.
Ex-President William Clinton lauded this development and revealed that this is the same team that confirmed he never had sex with Monica Lewinsky.