Skip to main content

Who Said It Best—Republicans or Democrats?

Johnny Townsend: Perhaps the problem with understanding the real values of either Republicans or Democrats is that their slogans only serve the underlying function of emotionally appeasing the masses while still directing every resource that matters to those in power.

[dc]“A[/dc]ll Lives Matter!”

republicans or democrats

“My Body, My Choice!”

“Believe Women!”

In one episode of the popular television series, The Big Bang Theory, Howard teases Raj by asking the gang to guess whom he was addressing when he made various comments—his beloved dog or his beautiful girlfriend. “Emily or Cinnamon?” Howard asks. “‘How could such a little girl eat such a big steak?’” The humor stretches throughout the episode as again and again, the gang has trouble deciding who was the intended recipient.

Perhaps the problem with understanding the real values of either Republicans or Democrats is that their slogans only serve the underlying function of emotionally appeasing the masses while still directing every resource that matters to those in power.

Similarly, as Americans struggle through the pandemic, we hear protesters and activists every day on the news and have a surprisingly difficult time figuring out who made a particular declaration. “All Lives Matter!” Oh, that’s the platitude from the right, we remember, when certain white folks try to deny the bias that leads to unprovoked killings of people of color.

But no, this time it was said by someone on the left, urging conservatives not to “restart” the economy too soon, to reconsider their willingness to sacrifice additional tens of thousands of lives—lives of the elderly, diabetics, those with asthma, lives of poor people, ethnic minorities, asylum seekers, and inmates. Lives of medical professionals.

We’re hearing people at “Liberate our state!” rallies shouting, “My body, my choice!” It’s jarring to hear, of course, as only a few months ago, these freedom fighters were enraged when women claimed the same right.

Likewise, it used to be Democrats who insisted we give sexual assault victims a fair hearing when they accuse powerful men. But now it seems they want to brush credible accusations aside when their guy faces scrutiny.

Democrats dismiss Fox News as partisan, but if Chris Hayes simply reports on Joe Biden’s accuser, there’s an immediate call to MSNBC for his dismissal. “He’s not supporting Democrats!”

The list goes on, Republicans and Democrats playing “Who wore it best?” on the red carpet of punditry.

“You need to respect the office of the President!”

“We’re the ones looking out for your best interests.”

“It’s the way they’re protesting that’s inappropriate.”

Emily or Cinnamon? Like Penny, we find the questions much more difficult than they first appear.

Scroll to Continue

Recommended Articles

Are those waving Confederate flags patriots or are they traitors?

Do Democrats really believe science if they won’t stop supporting fossil fuel corporations?

Is it a cheap shot to call folks waving a swastika at a “reopen” rally Nazis? Is a sign at the rally proclaiming Arbeit machtfrei truly pro-freedom or is it actually pro-genocide?

wish this game was merely “Republicans or Democrats?” but it seems to have quickly devolved into something far more sinister.

The cultural divide in America has become surreal, creating a Bizarro world like that which confused Elaine Benes on Seinfeld. For as long as I can remember, extremists on the far right were hoarding food and guns and ammo, preparing to hunker down and shelter in place when an inevitable global crisis arrived. And yet now, so many of these same people use the weapons they’ve amassed to demand haircuts. They want to go to the mall. They want chicken wings.

Republicans argue that business should “return to normal” because the stress of staying closed will lead to depression and suicide. Yet they seem to have no problem with a “normal” that requires school children to cower under their desks during active shooter drills. Or, worse, flee actual shooters. But maybe that isn’t such a novel position, after all. The truth is that conservative values often sacrifice the innocent.

The residents of Flint get poisoned water so those in power can save money. The poor and those who lose their jobs get no healthcare so that corporations can improve profits. Our groundwater, air, and land are polluted so that the wealthy can become wealthier. Public schools in poor neighborhoods get less money so that children from wealthier areas can maintain their advantage.

All in the name of freedom.

But with freedom like this, who needs oppression?

And oddly, the DNC takes money from all the same corrupting influences. They decry the high price of prescription drugs but only the far left “fringe” raises the idea of universal healthcare. Democrats demand “transparency” from the Trump administration and yet have no problem with Biden refusing access to the records where Tara Reade’s official complaint might reside.

When Emily confronts Raj’s friends after a day of relentless teasing, she says she loves that her boyfriend is so sweet to both her and the dog. She kisses the likable loser full on the lips in front of his friends as a reward.

And then backs away, her nose wrinkled in disgust as she pulls something off her tongue. “Why do you have dog hair in your mouth?”

Perhaps the problem with understanding the real values of either Republicans or Democrats is that their slogans only serve the underlying function of emotionally appeasing the masses while still directing every resource that matters to those in power.

The game isn’t nearly as funny in real life.

Johnny Townsend

Johnny Townsend