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Bedminster Golf Club, New Jersey.

buying greenland

“Mr. President, your call to Secretary Pompeo is on line 1.”

“Mike, listen. I know I told you yesterday to finish up the Taliban deal in Afghanistan, and firm up a new summit date with Kim. Put them on hold. This HUGE new thing. I want to buy Greenland.”

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“Why? Isn’t it obvious? The ice cap is melting! Think of the opportunities in all that newly exposed land…”

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“Opportunities for what? Golf c — I mean bases! Lots of bases. And BIG resor — I mean research stations. Everybody will want to go there!”

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Find out what they’re asking. Offer them Mar-a-Lago! It will be underwater soon, but they don’t have to know that.”

“You don’t think Denmark will sell? Look, everything has a price. Find out what they’re asking. Offer them Mar-a-Lago! It will be underwater soon, but they don’t have to know that.”

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“The local population? There are people there?”

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“Fifty thousand? On that huge island? I’ll buy them!”

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“What do you mean, that’s not how it’s done! I’m Donald Trump. I do things my way!”

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“What does it matter if the Fake News Media don’t like me buying people? My base will love it — and so will the Greenlanders!”

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“Well, I’ll just tell them I’ll Make Greenland Green Again! They’re bound to love that. And by burning more coal I’m making it happen!”

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“Wait, you say the Greenlanders don’t fit my image of Danes? You know, blond, blue eyes… ”

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“They’re what?”

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“Inuits? What’s that?”

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“So they’re not, like, white?”

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[dc]“N[/dc]o problem. If they won’t be bought I’ll send them back where they came from!

impeachment unavoidable

“Get on it Mike. My tee time is coming up!”

John Peeler

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