Friday, 1 December 2017
Dear Mr President,
Poor Eric. The twitter-sphere is being rather hard on Son Number Two today because of his pathetic (but still quite touching) attempt to earn your respect by coming to your defense on the Pocahontas front:
The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie “Pocahontas”) inferring that the name is “offensive” is truly staggering to me.
So yeah, Eric is a little too clumsy to swim in political waters, and a little too quick to dive into the shallow end of the pool. But it’s all because he is trying too hard to catch up with Son Number One, who has already proven his mastery of clandestine international intrigue involving politics and adoptions.
Huffpost has provided a summary of the printable assessments of Poor Eric’s grasp of relevant issues: “Idiot” . . . “Stupid ass” . . . “Ineffectual son” . . . “Just how dumb are you?” – a question answered by another twitterer “You have the intellectual capacity of a ham rolled in hair.”
At least, no one has called him a moron.
So yeah, Eric is a little too clumsy to swim in political waters, and a little too quick to dive into the shallow end of the pool. But it’s all because he is trying too hard to catch up with Son Number One, who has already proven his mastery of clandestine international intrigue involving politics and adoptions. And there’s no hope of ever catching up with Son-in-law Number Only as he jets about the globe solving the Middle East, China, and Mexico. I won’t even mention La Suprema, the serene and sublime Daughter Number One, who floats through the White House like a fragrant cloud of unapproachable elegance. And all because Eric seeks his father’s approval even more than (well, that may be going too far) his father’s money. Very touching, as I say.
So what to do about Poor Eric?
Well, for starters, let’s recognize some positive points. He has thoroughly internalized some important Trump Family Values. He understands that what reporters write must reflect not the reality they see before them, but the positions already dictated by their corporate boss (ABC), which is of course dictated by its corporate boss (Disney) – exactly like your view of your relation to your subordinates in the Justice Department, the Congress, and the Supreme Court. And he understands that the true measure of all things is money. Had the Pocahontas movie made a lot less money, Eric’s moral point would be a lot less staggering.
But politics, social relations, and civility are beyond his grasp.
So I suggest you keep him quiet until the crisis of your presidency is past, which shouldn’t be long. How about a nice safari hunting crocodiles in the upper Amazon?
Received by the White House at 6:37 AM EST, 1 December 2017
Please circulate. And write him a letter or forward this one to: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact