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hope hicks

Monday, 4 December 2017

Dear Mr President,

Every week there’s another screw-up by Hope Hicks, your so-called Communications Director. Last week it was her unforgivable error in misdirecting your diplomatic tweet, intended for British Prime Minister Theresa May, to Ms Theresa May Scrivener, a “mum from Bognor Regis” in the south of England.

Last week it was her unforgivable error in misdirecting your diplomatic tweet, intended for British Prime Minister Theresa May, to Ms Theresa May Scrivener, a “mum from Bognor Regis” in the south of England.

You’d think that after her faux pas last January, when she put out a press release welcoming American porn star Teresa May to the White House, Hicks would be on her toes. She could, for example, take over the job of bringing you your morning Oval Office Ovaltine at 6 AM, so that she could look over your shoulder as you unleash your morning tweedle – or whatever you call it.

In this case, there was nothing you could call an “international incident” despite the malicious fun the press is having with it. No additional secret Russian contacts were revealed, but you can see the potential for disaster. If you accidentally twoot something like that to, say, your son Eric, the suspicions of Robert Mueller might be aroused.

In this case, Ms Scrivener mildly suggested that you “think before you tweet” – which just shows that she knows nothing about American politics.

Lest you think this is the first such Hicks blunder of this kind, consider the following instances:

In June: “@bobbiemueller, like your job? can u come by for talk about leaks and proper channels, bad stuff getting out, need to get root of relations which is loyalty and MAGA, wear disguys.”

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Which led to that confusing incident when plumber Bobbie “Lead Pipe” Mueller showed up at the WH gate with his rooting truck wearing a Groucho mustache, for which he was busted by the Secret Service.

In July: “@SpookyFlynn, Don’t sweat a thing, Mikey, I’ll do an Arpaio when the time comes, just don’t mention the meeting in Paris. Gotcher back.”

Which went to FBI Special Agent Horace Flynn,

In August: “@VladimirPutin, Dear Putz, could u send better tape of the two vatrushkas, mine wearing out.”

Which went to Vladimir Sergoivich Putin, a cab driver in the Bronx, and led to this reply:

“@realDonaldTrump, who U calling putz, u putz? If you want vatrushka recipe, my wife has best. If u mean other kind I no a place. Fare plus $50. They don’t allow tapes.”

Plus, Hicks is talking to the feds.

dan-embree-17

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 4:03 AM EST, 4 December 2017

Please circulate. And write him a letter or forward this one to: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact