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Last month (“Gullible’s Travails: Abuse and Scandal Around Obama”) I argued that Obama’s current troubles are at least partially due to his dual gullibility in (1) failing to control his own subordinates, and (2) failing to grasp the complete implacability of the Republicans, who are determined to make him fail, no matter the cost to the country.

obama pondering

Now, in addition to the IRS scandal, the Benghazi security scandal, and the AP wiretap scandal, we have yet another controversy, this time over the practice of requiring Verizon (and presumably all other phone companies) the details of ALL phone calls, domestic and foreign, under secret court orders.

What is the common denominator of all these scandals? Simple: Obama is acting like a Republican! It was Nixon, after all, who had his “Enemies List.” It was Bush, Cheney, and the Neocons who were so intent on “Mission Accomplished” that they failed to anticipate the Iraqi insurgency after Saddam Hussein was overthrown. It was the same cabal that pushed through the Patriot Act after 9/11, thereby providing the legal cover for abuses from drone assassinations to wiretapping to Guantánamo. Obama is just doing what the Republicans would do if they were still in the White House.

The thing is, you would think that the Republicans would approve, but in fact they’re doing everything they can to challenge, undermine, and even impeach him. It’s as if they just can’t stand to have him succeed, even if what he’s doing is something they would have done.

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On the other hand, note that he’s not in trouble for any of the liberal promises he made while campaigning in 2008: even Obamacare turns out to be pretty popular in spite of Republican efforts to undermine it. He hasn’t actually done that much to carry out the other liberal promises. He’s only in trouble when he acts like a Republican.

So here’s my unified theory to explain this tangle. I believe that Barack Obama is actually an unacknowledged love child of Dick Cheney. He’s been trying to earn the respect and acceptance of his real father, but Cheney is pulling strings behind the scenes to maintain his illegitimacy. That’s what they mean when they call him a bastard. They’re not being metaphorical: they mean it literally.

john peeler

Just watch for the next big thing in Obama’s struggle for Republican acceptance. He’ll offer a conspiracy theory that explains everything.

John Peeler

Thursday, 6 June 2013