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Secede Now

It’s time for some gringo to read between the lines and call a spade a spade. It might as well be me. This United States of America thing was a great idea while it lasted, but it isn’t working anymore. Texas is threatening to secede for the seventh time in 160 years, and I say no time like the present.

They didn’t want to join the Union in the first place, and undercurrents of secession have always run as deep in the Texas legislature as their unique chauvinism. Let ’em, I say. They can have Bush Jr. as their President for Life and their own country. We might as well get on with the task here in California – why wait?

Maybe it’s time for blue states to secede in unison, or grab onto the last vestiges of a federal government and kick out the red states.

Given the destruction of our “moral fabric,” system of checks & balances, democratic norms and the Rules of the Senate under t-Rump; (let’s all say this together with a deep Southern accent,) “We are a nation rent asunder.” Maybe it’s time for blue states to secede in unison, or grab onto the last vestiges of a federal government and kick out the red states. I don’t want to do too much finger-pointing here, but Republican divisiveness under Reagan, Bush Sr., Bush Jr. and now t-Rump has finally caught up with us, and this union thing isn’t working anymore. Newt Gingrich and Mitch McConnell did their parts too.

This way, the crackers who want to fly the Stars and Bars can do so. Those states can re-segregate their school systems, or close them all together. Republicans at all levels of government have done their best to destroy public education since the 1970’s, and t-Rump as president is the result. California and half of the states can have their medical marijuana, and the folks in Texas and Florida won’t have to lose sleep over it, because we won’t be related anymore.

We’re about to experience the re-confederation of America. Not pre-Civil War style, but kind of like the Balkans before, well, . . . you know. Some people in California have advocated secession for years. We have the world’s sixth largest economy, could seal off the borders for a few days, stake claim to all the military bases, utilities and financial institutions, and we have our own country, the size of California.

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New York is the center of the cultural and financial universe anyway, so they’ll do just fine, maybe hook up with Jersey and Connecticut to keep the commute simple. Going through Customs when you’re already late for work contributes to the kind of road rage that carries over to the workplace.

Some of the Great Lakes states have entered discussions to become Canadian provinces, and people in Michigan‘s Upper Peninsula think they’re Canuks anyway, so they might as well. The Lower Peninsula will stay in the Confederation so the football rivalries won’t be disturbed. University of Michigan vs. Wilfred Lauriet just doesn’t make the average football fan salivate. Minnesota, the Dakotas, and Montana have the same weather as Canada, so we could trade those states in exchange for the parts of Ontario and Quebec that Americans like to visit. I know we’re trading Mt. Rushmore for Niagara Falls, but with the union now rent asunder we have tough choices.

Now don’t anyone try to charge me with sedition. (t-Rump and the Republican Party have engaged in sedition on a daily basis, and if the union stays together they’ll go to prison under RICO statutes.) I’m not advocating the overthrow of the federal government; we’re just not going to have one anymore because all of the Republican attacks on “big gomment” and “fedalism” have rendered it moot . . . not to mention asunder. So don’t blame me.

To many, states’ rights were a great thing when it involved freedom to practice brutal, exclusionary racism. But states’ rights aren’t such a great thing to Republicans when it involves states enacting their own laws about pesky things like cleaner emission standards, medical marijuana and the right to run their own education systems. So, we’re ending this states’ rights controversy before it gets even more bent out of shape. Now the states have all the rights they want and no damn “big gomment” to louse things up.

We’ve still got the Constitution to serve as a legal and governmental spine for the Confederated States, maybe, sort of. And FedEx and UPS will still be in business, even if the Postal Service won’t know what to do when the spam hits the fan. Ben Franklin never intended it to be a moneymaker, but rather the glue to bind the Republic. So much for that.

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This is nothing to get bent out of shape over, just part of the New World Order. You know, the one controlled by the usual suspects of Jewish Bankers, Texas Oilmen, Georgia Real Estate Tycoons and CNN. You can thank t-Rump for making them into a legitimate news organization again. So hold on to those old stars and stripes; they’ll be worth something someday.

H. Scott Prostermann