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trump peace pipe

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

Dear Mr President,

Here’s another leak – this time from “Zenski Zapornik”. (You sure have a lot of people with odd names in the White House – are you sure they’re not Russians?) It’s a transcript from a couple of days ago – apparently made secretly during your meeting with the code talkers. The remarks in parenthesis were apparently whispered.

Conway: Mr President, let me introduce Dine Code Talker veterans Nelson Chee, James Begay, Hastiin Yazzie, and Sam Cohen.

What’s with the DeeNay bit? I thought they were Navaho. Whatever. How! You’re Cohen? Hey, I knew your mother in Queens.

Trump: What’s with the DeeNay bit? I thought they were Navaho. Whatever. How! You’re Cohen? Hey, I knew your mother in Queens.

Cohen: That’s probably somebody else. She grew up in Gallup.

Trump: Never mind. I’m going to depart from the so-called “prepared remarks” . . .

(Kelly: Uh oh.)

Trump: . . . because they always make me sound . . . so . . . prepared . . .

(Ivanka: Don’t do it. Don’t do it.)

Trump: . . . and what I really want to do is smokum peace pipe with you very, very special people . . .

(Jared: Jesus, Joseph, and Mary!)

Trump: . . . because as so-called “Native Americans”, you’re just like us real Americans, except that you’re so very, very native . . .

Kelly: Uh, excuse me, Mr President, you have an important call from . . . uh . . . Congresswoman Frederica Wilson.

Trump: Who? Oh, the empty tom-tom in the cowgirl hat? Tell her I’ll call her back in the next short period of time. No time for cowgirls now, I’m doing Indians. As I was saying, you’re very, very special because you’ve been here for a long time – longer than us real Americans – although you have a representative in Congress called Pocahontas.

(Yazzie: Uh . . .)

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(Chee: What the Hell?)

(Cohen: Ongeblussen!)

Begay: I think her real name is Senator Elizabeth Warren, and . . .

Trump: Whatever. I call her Pocahontas, and she thinks she’s a heap big deal in the Congress . . .

Kelly: Speaking of Congress, Mr President, Senator McConnell is on Line 2.

Trump: He can wait. I’m honoring the buffalo soldiers now.

Ivanka: Da-Da, I think those were the soldiers who were . . . sort of . . . dark . . .

Trump: Same difference. I’m honoring you special people for your heroic fights at . . . you know . . . Trail of Tears . . . Wounded Knee . . .

Yazzie: Bosque Redondo?

Trump: Right!

Begay: And don’t leave out Little Big Horn, Mr President Yellow Hair.

Trump: You noticed? Everybody does. It’s all natural.

Hicks: Mr President, the Russian ambassador is on Line 3.

Trump: OK, show’s over folks. Clear ‘em out.


Cohen: Ugh!

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 5:00 AM EST, 29 November 2017

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