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Unnamed Vatican sources have disclosed that Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk who was jailed for defying the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that legalized same-sex marriages, is at the top of the list of women who will be named ordained priests. Conservative Vatican veterans are dumbfounded. They support Davis’s fight against same-sex marriage but don’t want any women as priests. While Davis was not commenting, she did tell her friends that the Pope “was very taken with me.”

Clerk Meets Pope

Only the Lord Knows What’s Going On—Carl Matthes

The same sources are unsure if Davis even knows she’s up for being female priest as she is not a Catholic. Her most recent conversion has been to Republicanism.

Davis’s private meeting with the Pope has come under international scrutiny as Davis has been divorced, had a child out of wedlock and and is currently married to either husband #3, 4 or 5.

Worldwide, countless number of nuns are stunned. Said one elderly nun, “A nun is a woman who has chosen celibacy, poverty, and other human-denying virtues in order to commit her life to God. And, here she’s been screwing around her whole life and she’s going to be a priest?!”

Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi, said, "I cannot deny the meeting took place but I have no comments to add about that or any list." Davis said she heard Father Lombardi but couldn’t understand him because “He spoke in Vaticanish, a foreign language to me.”

Representatives of Davis strenuously defended their statement that she met privately with the Pope for “fifteen minutes” and that she was very touched by the face-to-face. "I never thought I would meet the Pope. Who am I to have this rare opportunity? The closest I’ve come to religious royalty is Billy Barnstorm the Evangelist. I am just a County Clerk who loves Jesus and desires with all my heart to serve him." She is “special” her rep said, the Pope met with the Muslim in the White House for less than 60 minutes!

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She also said that "Pope Francis was kind, genuinely caring, and very personable.” She maintained that he clasped her hand and that “He even asked me to pray for him.”

She was asked point blank if she was sure that she really saw the Pope and not his secretary. Yes, it was the Pope. He was dressed in white, had on a beanie and spoke American. She was surprised by that because she thought he would speak Argentinian.

During an interview, Davis said that, “He told me before he left to 'Stay strong.’ That was a great encouragement. Just knowing that the Pope is on track with what we're doing and agreeing, you know, it kind of validates everything.”

Some are afraid that the Pope may have sent the wrong-message to the four-time married Davis when he clasped her hand. Was he flirting with her? And, further, according to Davis, “(He) thanked me for my courage and told me to 'stay strong.' " In fact,” Davis continued, “I was tempted to give him a quick kiss on one of his cute little ears!” Unfortunately, that remark has bolstered the idea that she was not even seen by the Pope, as his ears are quite far from being “cute and little!”

Davis' father and mother are lifelong Catholics. Lawyers for Davis, and her husband Joe, say the Pope gave them rosaries during their private meeting which they gave to her parents. Davis is an Apostolic Christian following a religious conversion about four and a half years ago. However, she said that she would gladly renounce her present affiliation in order to become a Catholic priestess as she thinks the liturgical garments are “very pretty.” Of course, she may want to make her own robes as she is a long-time member of the Kentucky Quilters Club. “While I don’t know why the Pope decided to see me, he does like my grassroot’s connections. I’m going to suggest that if I do become a priestess I will replace the communion bread and wine with corn pone and moonshine.”

Most are baffled by the Pope embracing her. Some have suggested that she represents all “fallen women,” i.e., divorced, producing children out of wedlock and bigamists. These sources, believe that the Pope wants to show that the Church is open to everyone except, of course, same-sex couples who wish to have just one legal monogamous marriage.

carl matthes

Carl Matthes