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Thursday, 11 April 2019

Cancer Causing Windmills

Dear Mr President,

When the Knight of the Stubby Digits reached the top of the hill, he halted his nag and pointed with his lance. Sancho Penza, his faithful squire, moved his sorry ass up beside him and squinted into the distance.

“What do you see there, Pancho?”

“Holy Ecclesiastes, sire, two milkmaids in shockingly low-cut peasant blouses, without any protective men. Invitations to Lust! Let’s go urge them to kneel in prayer. And it’s Sancho, sire.”

“Not them, you dolt! What’s behind them.”

“Just a couple of windmills.”

“Ha! And what do you hear?”

First I’ll declare an emergency! Then I’ll have special powers to keep the mill from turning. Next I’ll promise to stop it, then issue a deadline, then a one-year warning. Then we’ll see what happens.

“Nothing but windmills turning. ‘Whrrrrr whrrrrr screeech screeech’.”

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“Fool! That is the sound of cancer, and those monsters are the cause. A disgrace!”

“Well, actually, Sir Stubby . . .”

“Silence, buffoon! Now that I’ve found the cause of cancer, I must slay it.”

“Well, we could put some pig fat on the gears, because as my father always said, the squeaky wheel…”

“First I’ll declare an emergency! Then I’ll have special powers to keep the mill from turning. Next I’ll promise to stop it, then issue a deadline, then a one-year warning. Then we’ll see what happens.”

“But Sir Stubby, if it can’t turn, the farmers can’t grind their grain, they won’t have anything to sell, they won’t be able to buy stuff in the market, the economy will tank, and the country people will crowd into the city, and…”

“Nonsense! The city wall will keep them out, especially the brown ones. Anyway, it’s full. Meanwhile, my friends the Krock Brothers will have built a coal-fired mill where the farmers will have to grind their grain. And since it’s far from here, they’ll have to stay overnight in Stubby Tower. Fifty reales a night or sleep under a bridge. Also, we’ll hold their kids as deposits.”

“But sire, won’t the peasants revolt?”

[dc]“N[/dc]ot my loyal peasants – not after I’ve explained that they’ll have the best healthcare ever: no premiums, no pre-existing conditions, no waiting, no painful shots, and no cancer.”

dan embree 300

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 1:38 AM EST, 11 April 2019