Skip to main content
Chicken Processing Jobs

Friday, 9 August 2019

Dear Mr President,

This just in from Trixie Gavilan, labor correspondent for the Western Flicker.

Nearly 800 people stood in line in 99-degree heat yesterday to apply for jobs at the Plukitt Bros Poultry Processing in Cockle, Mississippi after ICE raids drastically culled the work force this week.

Olek Bumchuk, 65, a retired insurance agent in a MAGA cap, was first in line. “I don’t really need the job,” he said. “But I want it to go to a real American. My parents came here as refugees from Ukraine in ’47. We believe in work.” Then he added, “Unlike those people.”

I’m trying for the night shift as an eviscerator, so I can put in 8 hours after my day as a surgical nurse. I think the skill set is basically the same.

Also hopeful was Oda Skive, 33, a recent immigrant from Norway. “I’m trying for the night shift as an eviscerator, so I can put in 8 hours after my day as a surgical nurse. I think the skill set is basically the same.”

Scroll to Continue

Recommended Articles

Long-term Cockle resident Bubba Lumpkin, 23, said he was tired of working for tips at the Doodle Doo. “A steady $10 an hour and a pee break every shift sounds good to me. Besides, the chef is always nagging me about my cough.”

“I need the work,” said Masie O’Doul, 54, retired science teacher and manager of the Offal Overlook Apartments. “The day after ICE cleaned out the plant, they came for the families. We have no tenants left.”

Tricia Lanaif, 21, with a freshly minted BS in interpersonal relations, was excited about “meeting interesting people working together on common goals.” She added, “I’m sorry those illegals lost their jobs. But now they can go home with a whole new set of skills.”

Rusty Knutte, 44, said “It’s safer than driving a semi. Only 4.7 workers per hundred have a serious injury every year. And many of those are not fatal.”

[dc]“T[/dc]his is a great opportunity for American workers and entrepreneurs,” said Mayor Beauregard Forrest. “Not only are there jobs at the chicken plant, thanks to the patriotism of the Plukitts, but the Cafe de Pollos is up for sale, and most of our sanitation workers have suddenly disappeared. Some of those in line are from as far away as Santa Monica.”

dan embree 300

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 5:03 AM EST, 9 August 2019.