Friday, 5 July 2019
Dear Mr President,
I suspect you don’t watch Bill Maher very often, and that’s probably wise, what with your fragile sense of self. But had you seen George Will on Maher’s show a couple of weeks ago, you would have noted that despite the loathing you and Will have for one another and despite his starchy manner and archly enunciated vowels, he provides a theoretical, if a bit rickety, underpinning for your base’s idea of America.
When Maher doubted that the 39 Constitution authors (including 35 you’ve never heard of) intended a minority of the people to control a majority of the senate, Will came decisively to the defense of the white, male, property-owning, slavery-tolerating, Indian-exterminating system that has guided us unerringly for more than two centuries:
“That is exactly what the founders intended,” he pronounced. Period. End.
I see a future in which one man in some barely populated place, call it Wyoming (or whatever), will have 68 times the voice in choosing federal judges as another man in another place, call it California (or some such).
In support of Will’s point, here’s a document I recently unearthed in the Library of Congress – a transcript of a conversation in a Philadelphia tavern to which Washington, Madison, Franklin, and Hamilton (the four you’ve heard of) repaired to toast the Constitution they had just signed.
W: “I see a future in which one man in some barely populated place, call it Wyoming (or whatever), will have 68 times the voice in choosing federal judges as another man in another place, call it California (or some such).”
M: “Right on, W! Especially if your preposterously named California has big cities – concentrations of population, wealth, and brains that foster invention, accommodation, and new ideas.”
F: “Indeed! While your putative Wyoming will hold fast to the values of the 18th century.”
H: “Amen, fellow white males! With the courts firmly in the grip of self-made men who raise cows with the science of big-city universities, use tools from big-city factories, and haul the cows to market on roads financed by big-city tax-payers, America will be forever great!”
They clinked their tankards in satisfaction.
Received by the White House at 4:22 AM EST, 5 July 2019.