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trumpexit

Friday, 1 February 2019

Dear Mr President,

Trixie Gavilan, Economic Crime reporter for the Western Flicker, has sampled reactions to the just concluded government shutdown:

Traffic controller Lou Pizzo, who put in six 10-hour shifts a week and relaxed on the 7th day as a bike messenger, said his best job had been a White House order to deliver Nancy Pelosi a large uncleaned codfish wrapped in the New York Times. “She told me to take it back, but we hadn’t eaten the night before, so I just took it home.”

Former mortgage-forecloser and current Treasury Secretary Steven “Shark” Mnuchin was disappointed that it had ended so suddenly: “I was just about to jump back in.”

Former mortgage-forecloser and current Treasury Secretary Steven “Shark” Mnuchin was disappointed that it had ended so suddenly: “I was just about to jump back in.”

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Eric “Freddo” Trump, asked about long-term consequences, replied, “What?”

His wife, Lara Lea “Princess” Trump, looked back on that “little bit of pain” with equanimity: “The sacrifices of the little people will not go unappreciated. Their children will be proud.”

Unpaid TSA Agent Mary Jane Swensen, who couldn’t pay for her mother’s insulin, said “She went on without a whimper, wearing her MAGA cap to the end of her diabetic coma. To say we’re proud doesn’t begin to express the meaning of her sacrifice.”

Commerce Secretary Wilbur “Laundry Boy” Ross emerged from the crisis just as he entered it – bewildered. “I don’t get it. If, instead of whining about having no food, they had all taken out pay-day loans at 15% every two weeks, they could have contributed to first quarter growth.”

Rudy “High Wire” Giuliani, White House legal funambulist, declaimed to his last remaining audience – a homeless guy with an empty port bottle slumped on a bench behind the Lincoln Memorial: “I don't know anything about it except the president wasn’t involved. That’s only if it happened. It might be privileged if it did, which I can't acknowledge. My comments are hypothetical and not based on anything at all. I should have been more specific about the details of actions that were taken, but I only know about those that weren’t.”

dan-embree-227

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 3:08 AM EST, 1 February 2019