Friday, 7 December 2018
Dear Mr President,
Midnight in Washington. Mike Pence has been on his knees on the cold floor of the Vice Presidential Residence for an hour praying for divine guidance – or perhaps he is snug in bed dreaming that he has been on his knees on the cold floor for an hour praying for divine guidance.
What I need O Lord is a little light and guidance on the 25th Amendment as respects the removal of President Trump from office
“O God of all the earth and Father of all mankind – or at least of that portion of all mankind who are Protestant and Straight and believeth not in abortion or condoms or working mothers or female soldiers and who are never alone with women who are not their wives or sisters or mothers except for those who have official roles like secretaries such as that girl who brings me mugs of coffee with the big bazooms that I like, I mean the mugs of coffee of course.
“Speak to me, O Lord, as Thou didst to President McKinley that time he prayed for many nights (according to him) for “light and guidance” about what to do with the Philippines that Admiral Dewey had captured, and Thou didst tell him (so he said) to keep them and all the ‘half-caught sullen peoples, half devil and half child’ (though I think that may have been Kipling’s expression and not Thine) who lived there, because to do otherwise would be ‘bad business’.
“What I need O Lord is a little light and guidance on the 25th Amendment as respects the removal of President Trump from office because he is, as Kelly says, ‘bat-shit’ – though I would never use that term myself. And I don’t need to tell Thee that he (Trump) doesn’t know Jack about the Bible and all of the wonderful prohibitions that are found therein, most of which he violates daily.
“Anyway, could You (I mean Thou) fix it so that a couple of the cabinet members suggest this – I would humbly nominate Haspel and Mattis, since the others are afraid of them – so it doesn’t look like I had anything to do with it, being verily loyal and too humble to think of it myself?
[dc]“T[/dc]hy will be done, not mine, of course, though I’m pretty sure we’re thinking along the same lines here.
Received by the White House at 12:01 AM EST 7 December 2018