Michele Bachmann Discusses Slavery
I will say the only words I know that you understand, my Michele: You’re a dunce.
“We know there was slavery that was still tolerated when the nation began. We know that was an evil, and it was a scourge and a blot and a stain upon our history. But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. And I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forebears who worked tirelessly – men like John Quincy Adams – who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.” –Michele Bachmann
What the….DID SHE JUST SAY THAT???
So, the Founding Fathers ended slavery, huh? She is off by years. Four score and seven years, to be exact. She also pegged John Quincy Adams as one of “the very founders that wrote those documents.” He must have been quite the prodigy. When the Declaration of Independence was adopted by the Continental Congress on July 4, 1776, 8 year old John Quincy Adams was one week shy of his ninth birthday. Should it surprise any of us that she got him confused with his father – John Adams? For the record: On January 31, 1865, when the House of Representatives passed the Thirteenth Amendment that outlawed slavery forever, John Quincy Adams – the guy who “would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country” – had been dead for nearly eighteen years.
American history is lots of fun – and relatively easy. That slavery did not end during the Federalist period is kind of a no-brainer. It’s quite revealing that Michele Bachmann can’t even get this History 101 subject right. It’s also quite funny. She is one of the reasons that my life today is such a joy. All of that unintentional comedy! I hope she never goes away.
What is it with the people of her district? How could they be proud of the fact that this quarter-witted fool would be an able representative in the hallowed halls of congress? Minnesota is the state that gave us Bob Dylan, Jessica Lange, Walter Mondale, Judy Garland, Eugene McCarthy, Hubert Humphrey, Sinclair Lewis – not to mention Patty, Laverne and Maxine – the lovely Andrews Sisters. That’s a pretty impressive list any way you slice it or dice it.
Minnesota is also the home of my beloved kin – the fabulous Tuma family of St. Paul. For that reason alone it rates high in my book. Hi, cousins!
Maybe we should cut the place some slack, Michele Marie Amble Bachmann was, in fact, born in Waterloo, Iowa, on April 6, 1956. While I was doing a little research, trying to figure out how anyone can get this stupid in less than fifty-five years, I came upon a revealing clue: She received her law degree from Oral Roberts University. That would explain volumes, wouldn’t it?
I’ve noticed that many alumnus of that Christian school have a somewhat warped view of reality. And yet a lot of them manage to graduate without retaining a remedial understanding of the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth – Michele Bachmann for instance. If that weren’t the case she wouldn’t possess process such a mean and spiteful view of the country she claims to love so well. Oral Roberts University must be an interesting place.
Much of the blame for the “scourge” of Michele Bachmann must be laid at the door of Chris Matthews. I love the man. He is just about the smartest son-of-a-gun commenting on politics today. But I really have to chide him for “discovering” her. Bachmann was a deservedly unknown congresswoman in October 2009 when he invited her on his program “Hardball” for an interview. It was there that she called for an investigation of all the Democrats in Congress for their “un-Americanism”. Under normal circumstances such an idiotic statement would have hurled her right back into obscurity. Instead, the GOP made her a star. Life is funny that way, you know?
This past week was a high point in Representative Bachmann’s twisted career. Not content to let her party’s hierarchy respond to President Obama’s State of the Union speech, her demented illusion of self-importance concluded that the entire country was beside itself anticipating what she had to say. Although (with the curious exception of CNN) the networks ignored her babbling comments, the following morning everyone was talking about it. Once again a babbling extremist from the fringe of the “party of Lincoln” had stolen the spotlight and diverted the message. Life is beautiful.
She claimed in her little speech that the deficit “exploded under President Obama’s direction.” Apparently this nitwit was asleep between the years 2001 and 2009. Indeed it seems the entire tea party movement was in a coma during those years.
I have this dreaded fear – that one day in the not-too-distant future, historians will record that the United States of America began – and ended – with a tea party.