The NSA has developed incredibly complex and sensitive intelligence gathering methods and instruments, none more fantastic then the bio-genetically engineered hybrid Super Spy Fly on the Wall, Musca investigatus.
Although still highly classified as top secret, authorities suggest the Spy Fly species specks, through mini-micro-nano technology are able to capture and record resonant sounds and images that can be reproduced in a manner very similar to magnetic or electronic tape. From an NSA scientist: “No more Intelligence BS, from now on it will be Super Fly FS.”
FS REPORT #VP2 Place: Armstrong Quail Hunting Ranch.
Location: Kennedy County, Texas. February 11, 2006
Interior Armstrong Ranch Bar, prior to hunt:
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Okay, you (DELETED) barkeep, give me another (DELETED) drink.
BARTENDER: – -but Mr. Cheney, you’ve already had four cocktails!
VP CHENEY: What the (DELETED) did you call me?! You don’t address the most powerful (DELETED) man in the world, Mister! You can call me President, but not (DELETED) Mister! Another (DELETED) drink won’t affect me one (DELETED) bit. Besides, that’s none of your (DELETED) business, you (DELETED) (DELETED).
BARTENDER: Just trying to protect you and the other guests, Sir.
VP CHENEY: You’re (DELETED) trying to protect me? I’m in (DELETED) charge of protecting the entire (DELETED) nation. There’s not been one (DELETED) attack on this country since (DELETED) 9/11 and I was put in charge of protecting the entire (DELETED) country! And the (DELETED) rest of the world if you will! Now give me that (DELETED) drink!
Armstrong Ranch Shooting range – A short time later as Vice President Cheney carelessly carries a shot gun for the quail hunt. Cheney’s hunting partner, Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old Texas attorney, is some 20 yards away from the Vice President.
BIRD FLUSHER: “Flush, Mr. Cheney?”
VP CHENEY: “What is it with you (DELETED) (DELETED)? Flush?! I’m as sober as a church moose, you (DELETED) (DELETED)!!!”
BIRD FLUSHER: “No Sir, Vice President Cheney. I meant do you want me to flush the birds?”
VP CHENEY: “What a dumb (DELETED) question. Why do I (DELETED) think I’m here? Huh?! Well (DELTED) smart ass, I’m here to (DELETED) search and destroy some birds!”
The bird flusher moves to some bushes and kicks them. BLAM!
BIRD FLUSHER: (after a beat) “Oh my God! You’ve shot Mr. Whittington!”
VP CHENEY: (quickly becoming more sober) “No I didn’t!”
The bird flusher and another worker run to aid Mr. Whittington, who has been shot in the face and chest. 911 has been called.
VP CHENEY: “Nobody saw anything, do you all understand that? This is what happened. I was shooting at a flock of birds and as I was about to shoot, Harry stood up right in my line of fire.”
BIRD FLUSHER: “We’ve got to get him to a hospital right away, Mr. Cheney. He’s hurt bad.”
VP CHENEY: “Nothing about the accident will be revealed by anybody here. All reports and information must come from the White House. I’m sure you all understand that if even one word leaks out, there will be terrible consequences. (An aside to the bird flusher) If Harry survives, I’m sure he’ll write a letter of apology for standing directly in my line of fire. After all, Harry is just a lawyer and we’ve seen to it that nobody cares much about lawyers anymore.”
NSA final interpretation of the shooting incident: On February 14, 2006, Whittington suffered a non-fatal “silent” heart attack and atrial fibrillation due to at least one lead-shot pellet lodged in or near his heart. Upon recovery he wrote a letter of apology to the Vice President for ruining his quail hunt.
On February 15th, 2006, Cheney explained on Fox News how Whittington apologized for getting in his way, proving to the Fox viewers that the Vice President was not at all drunk during the shooting event and has never made a mistake or done anything wrong in his entire political career.
This time a sly Cheney lie was exposed by a fly.
The swat heard around the world. When President Obama’s interview was interrupted and he smote the offending winged insect on his arm, it was most likely a spy fly, Musca investigatus.
*(actual fly speck)
Reprinted with permission from the Valley Democrats United newsletter, Margie Murray, Editor, where the article first appeared.
Jerry Drucker is a freelance writer and screenwriter, political progressive letterwriter, member of Valley Dems United, Dems for Change and Valley Grassroots for Democracy. Jerry was voted as the 41st AD man of the year for 2008 by the LA County Democratic Party members.