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10 Presidential Letter REsponses

Saturday, 6 January 2018

Dear Mr President,

Yesterday morning I received an email (signed by nobody in particular) from the Office of White House Communications, thanking me for my letter and reporting that “we” (I suspect that means no one in particular) “are carefully reviewing” the message. That is, of course, very gratifying. Then through the day I got nine more emails at uneven intervals – ten in all, a lot of attention for one old gringo in Gatos Gordos County, New Mexico. The thing is, though, that I didn’t sent you a letter yesterday, let alone ten. (This is really true.)

Now, as you know, I have often (157 times, to be exact) sent you letters. And I know you eagerly read them, not only for my personal and political advice, but for the insight into life out here in America for those of us dependent on Social Security and Medicare for ourselves and Obamacare for our grown children and Medicaid for our grandchildren – all programs you have promised to defend. And you surely remember the last letter I sent, suggesting that “button” might not be the best metaphor for your penis – but you are the best judge of that.

I’m wondering why I got ten replies to a letter I didn’t send. I have several hypotheses. You could check the one that applies.

But today I’m wondering why I got ten replies to a letter I didn’t send. I have several hypotheses. You could check the one that applies.

( ) There were a maximum of ten people who ever wrote to you, and they figured out nobody was reading their letters. When the number fell to one, you sent me all ten replies.

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( ) The person in charge of replying to letters is Hope Hicks, and she is so busy talking to Robert Mueller that she has turned the job over to a clown, who sent me ten replies as a joke. (I read that you are surrounded by clowns.)

( ) The person in charge of replying to letters is Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who is a clown.

( ) The person in charge of replying to letters is Omarosa Manigault Newman, whom John Kelly threw out of the White House for being a disruptive force, but she sneaked back in disguised as a clown.

( ) There is actually no one in charge of replying to letters, but that is being done by an app set up by Steve Bannon who is now controlling it remotely and is sending out ten replies to everyone who writes to you in order to convince them that the White House is being run by clowns.

( ) You have given the job of replying to letters to the Treasury Secretary (who is no good with numbers except when foreclosures are involved) as punishment for calling you an idiot and because he reminds you of a clown because you think his name is Munchkin.

dan-embree-17

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 4:41 AM EST, 6 January 2018