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Once, a very long time ago, a horde of African Negroes stole some dugout canoes and set out for the new world, having heard there was good work for illegal immigrants in the newly planted cotton fields and sugar mills of the new world. Though the crossing was dangerous, they managed to make it to various islands in the Caribbean and to the mainland of the United States where Southern plantation owners graciously welcomed them, gave them food and shelter, along with jobs they could never have dreamt of getting back in their various homelands where they had lived in constant fear of poisonous snakes, voracious lions, man-eating crocodiles, and an array of other perils blissfully absent in their new and oh-so-much-nicer circumstances where kindly white people looked out for them and catered to their every want and need.

Alternative History

Alternative Facts, Alternative Reality, Alternative History—Jaime O'Neill

Once, a very long time ago, a horde of African Negroes stole some dugout canoes and set out for the new world, having heard there was good work for illegal immigrants in the newly planted cotton fields and sugar mills of the new world.

Despite the solicitous treatment these dusky foreigners received, they began complaining almost from the first day they got here, whining, moaning, and singing the blues, and sometimes even engaging in bloody tantrums in which they displayed a degree of ingratitude almost unheard of in all of human history, proving once and for all that no good deed goes unpunished.

And then, making matters worse, a bunch of buttinski liberals from up north invaded the southern states, a real army of outside agitators. These Yankee intruders deflowered countless southern belles before turning loose the previously happy Negroes, forcing them to get actual jobs, often up north in places like Detroit and Chicago or even far away Los Angeles where they provided a new growth industry in police work and prisons to keep law-abiding Americans safe from freeloading foreigners who had never quite understood or fully appreciated the country that had always gone out of its way to make them feel welcome and appreciated.

But black history, so often misrepresented by history books written by the sappiest of liberal academics, was not the only part of the American story falsified and sullied. Hell, you could hardly find a history book that let impressionable young Americans in on how often we'd been attacked by Muslims. Kellyanne Conway let that cat partially out of the bag when she revealed the horrors of the Bowling Green Massacre to an ignorant, poorly educated public, and a lamestream press that hadn't believed anything ever said by a Republican since Lincoln was in office, if then.

For instance, few Americans know about the infamous and insidious "Falafel Plot" in which a Muslim deli owner in Cleveland served tainted falafel exclusively to Christian and Jewish customers for over a decade, causing an untold number of cases of explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting. It took years before authorities tracked down the source of that mean Muslim trick, but it only took a split second for the lying and dishonest news media to ignore it.

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Way back in the '80s, there was the under-reported and now nearly forgotten Hamas Hummus and Halvah Horror that created such widespread intestinal distress among innocent diners at a range of restaurants in urban centers from New York to Chicago, mostly targeting the Jewish community with a biological agent that has yet to be identified, but which caused untold numbers of victims to suffer chronic upset tummies and heartburn

Then, in the 1950s, there was Joseph McCarthy's heroic effort to expose the subversive elements in our country, an attempt foiled by lying liberals who made the good senator from Wisconsin into a villain, misrepresenting his efforts to expunge, expel or expose troublemakers in the Defense Department and other hotbeds of Commies, pinkos, and fellow travelers.

The misrepresentation of reality has been a constant in American history, a trend that continued right up to the 21st century when the liberal lamestream media tried to make it out that the invasion of Iraq was a bad thing, and that George W. Bush had botched the response to Hurricane Katrina, not Obama, who was the real culprit in that calamitous response to an act of God. Nor did the dishonest media ever report the sacrifices of manpower and money made by Halliburton during the occupation of Iraq, a time when the patriotic Dick Cheney's former company did so much work at cost or below cost.

But the worst distortions of the truth were yet to come, and they came in a flood with the rise to prominence of Donald J. Trump, the greatest American this country has yet produced, a man of such stature as to dwarf even Ronald Reagan and his towering achievements. With the new alliance Trump has formed with Russia, with his smack down of the uppity Chinese, and his stern handling of Mexico and Muslims, Donald J. Trump is well on his way to making America Great Again.

Not that you'd ever know that from the dishonest media, driven by jealousy, aware of their own mediocrity, uneasy in the presence of greatness.

Fortunately, such was the greatness of Donald J. Trump that he, and he alone, managed to find a way to get the truth to the American people, bypassing the press and using his Twitter account to speak truth to the people, circumventing the elites and communicating with real Americans without the interference of niggling fact checkers, academic pedants, ink-stained scribblers, or so-called judges.

jaime oneill

Jaime O'Neill