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Reports from Flies on Cheney’s Wall and Undisclosed Bunkers

The average life of a spy fly, Musca ivestigatus, is two weeks. That means for the past 10 years, there has been approximately 260 generations of spy flies doing surveillance work on or about former V.P. Cheney's walls and undisclosed bunkers.


Some authorities suggest the fly has been more reliable in gathering and digesting investigative intelligence material impartially, opposed to the Cheney-Rumsfeld-created Office of Special Operations. Whereas the O.S.O. “cherry picked” self-concocted rumors or fabricated intelligence material, the flies would investigate and digest all manner of factual waste intelligence material.

FOLLOWING: Never-before-revealed intelligence spy fly bzzz reports, interpolated by the NSA from secret fly specks. Although highly classified, the process will be explained in future reports. Ironically, the secret fly specks were passed onto the NSA from a fabrication arm of the O.S.O. for interpretations.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: "bzzz -- You assured us Dick that the Dresser Industries merger was a fantastic business opportunity and Halliburton should jump on it, so we did. Clearly, you did no due diligence. After the merger, we learned there was no accounting transparency in the corporation, along with a several billion dollar asbestos lawsuit that is now going to court! So, Dick, we must let you go as CEO."

CHENEY: "bzzz --You will not do that Mr. Chairman and if you will, I'll tell you why not. I will make Halliburton the most successful corporation in the world."

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: "--bzzz--Not another Dresser Industries!!"

CHENEY: "bzzz--I'm about to change the (REDACTED) world using the Project for the New American Century, that I created, called PNAC for short, whose goal is to "promote American global leadership." I'll make our beloved (REDACTED) country an American Empire, and ruler of the world, where we belong. We tried (REDACTED) Clinton to do PNAC in '98, but he wouldn't go to war.

BOARD MEMBER: "--bzzz--How you going to do that, Dick?"

CHENEY: "bzzz-- As you all know I'm heading George W. Bush's vice-presidential search team and I've found the perfect man for the job."

CHAIRMAN: "Who might that be?"


CHAIRMAN: "That's interesting. Go on."

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CHENEY: With Bush Junior in my back pocket as president, I'll be the (REDACTED) power behind the (REDACTED) throne. We can tell the rest of the world to go (REDACTED) themselves. In order to make many billions for Halliburton, I expect to receive $33 million up front, a $100 million in stock options, along with my $9 million annual salary for life after I resign. In return, Halliburton and Kellogg, Brown & Root will receive all the war no-bid contracts after we invade Iraq-

CHAIRMAN: WHOA! What are you talking about?! We finished the war with Iraq 10 years ago! Have you lost your marbles, Dick?

CHENEY: That's the reason you gentlemen must read “The Project for the New American Century.” It explains how and why we need to reinvade Iraq. It's all there in the 91 PNAC pages. On page 51, we explain why we need another Pearl Harbor incident to invade, but that reason won't be too difficult to arrange or find. Thanks to Daddy Bush and me, we wiped out Iraq's army and going in again will be a (REDACTED) cake walk. The Iraqis will throw flowers at us.

BOARD MEMBER: Didn't you say as Secretary of Defense, right after the Gulf War ended, that if we went into Baghdad, we'd have a quagmire on our hands?

CHENEY: Sure, I said that as Defense Secretary -- that's what Daddy Bush wanted. But that was then and this is now, and now, I'll be in control. One of the first (REDACTED) projects I'll do when I'm in charge is divide the Iraqi oil fields up for the Bigs. Our foreign oil partners will go along with the push to war. Big oil will (REDACTED) rule and we'll be getting $4 to $5 a gallon.

CHAIRMAN: With a gallon of gas hovering around a buck, it sounds very attractive. Why are you so certain Bush will win the election?

CHENEY: It's a done deal. We hold all the cards and-- Just a (REDACTED) minute. Who let that (REDACTED) (REDACTED) in here?! Cheney picks up a newspaper folds it in half twice and approaches a wall near the conference table. He raises the paper. SPLAT!!!

Due to technical difficulties, the above NSA spy fly report was interrupted. Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, the next NSA spy fly report will cover: 'The friendly shooting in the face of a friend of VP Cheney.'


* (authentic fly speck - actual size)

Jerry Drucker

Reprinted with permission from the Valley Democrats United newsletter, Margie Murray, Editor, where the article first appeared.

Jerry Drucker is a freelance writer and screenwriter, political progressive letterwriter, member of Valley Dems United, Dems for Change and Valley Grassroots for Democracy. Jerry was voted as the 41st AD man of the year for 2008 by the LA County Democratic Party members.