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Mitch McConnell, the Senate’s new majority leader, wants us to know that Republicans are not getting credit. Employers added 252,000 jobs in December, making 2014 the best year for job growth since 1999. He says Republicans did that.

The fact that a Democratic president is in office, and that president has had to battle Republicans in both houses of Congress to allow ANY spending to improve the economy?

Well, that doesn't interfere with McConnell's resolve to blame the president for a slow economic recovery, and for McConnell to take credit for anything good that happens in spite of Republican obstruction. Yep, ol' Mitch McConnell is stretching his neck out of his shell farther than we have ever seen, now that he has that Republican senate majority.

McConnell said this week that the positive economic record for December jobs seems to “coincide with the biggest political change of the Obama administration's long tenure in Washington: the expectation of a new Republican Congress."

The "expectation." Uh-huh.

UC professor and former US Secretary of Labor Robert Reich noted it by saying, "McConnell's suggestion that the Republicans' November victory caused the economy to do better is like a rooster assuming its crowing caused the sun to rise."

Speaking from his field of expertise, Reich continued, "Had the Republicans not blocked extended unemployment benefits, an increase in the minimum wage, and infrastructure investments, the economy would be far better today than it is. Even the median household income would have started to rise."

Gosh. That sounds too much like pesky facts, Dr. Reich. That needs to stop. You just didn't get Mitch's memo.

Ronald Reagan was responsible for the economic boom when Bill Clinton was in office. Republicans said so, all the time, during the Clinton years. It just took ten years for Reaganomics voodoo to work. Then, just when Reagan was trickling-down, Clinton and Reich came along and threw out that source of wonderment.

Oh, and then it took ten years for all those truly disastrous Clinton policies to make GW Bush crash and burn.

Just like now, Obama is enjoying an economic upturn because of what Bush did with all that "deficits-don't-matter" war spending that was kept off the books. C'mon, you know that's true! Mitch told you how things work! Fox News tells you all the time!

It's just that everything has a Republican lag. It varies, how long. But it's always the right length of time for a Democrat to get credit for what a Republican does, and a Republican to escape blame by ascribing to a Democrat everything that didn't work. Don't you listen to Karl Rove?

Republicans have always had to put up with the Republican lag. It's just their cross to bear. Dick Cheney was at his best King Lear when he asked who will free them from those meddlesome Democrats?

Republicans have always had to put up with the Republican lag. It's just their cross to bear. Dick Cheney was at his best King Lear when he asked who will free them from those meddlesome Democrats?

Just ask: it's only Republicans who do good things.

What did you say? Wars? They only happen because Democrats didn't start them when THEY were in office. Do Republicans have to do EVERYTHING for you?

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In the spirit of how the G.W. Bush administration re-invented the White House website to make every American hero a Republican, we need to help Mitch set the record straight here.

Republicans invented the printing press. That Gutenberg guy just took the credit. Did he own anything on Wall Street? Piker.

Republicans invented TV. Philo Farnsworth just got in their way of thoroughly commercializing it.

Republicans invented the airplane. The Wright Brothers just had a better PR guy. But what did he know about packing in the cattle with no leg room and charging for suitcases?

The telephone? Republicans. That's why it was okay for Nixon to tap all the lines. Yeah, forget Alexander Graham Bell. He didn't connect it to datalink lines to process credit cards and bank transfers, did he?

Oh, and the steamship? Not Robert Fulton. Republicans, pal. Republicans work well in mists and vapors.

Except for that Cinderella peasant. Nouveau riche, obviously. She must've been a Democrat, stealing that pumpkin from her affluent stepsister. And then she didn't even want to give the stepsister fair market value for the crystal coach that came from the pumpkin.

That was a Republican job creator's pumpkin, all along! Hiring mice as coachmen? It takes a Republican to pay them as mice. Their jobs wouldn't have been there without the pumpkin, so they should be grateful for them!

And you can't tax it as a crystal coach, because taxes have already been paid on it as a pumpkin!

So any good Republican knows how to handle that leech, Cinderella: put a lien on those shoes until Prince Charming ponies-up. See? Don't be dumb, or you'll be the one paying taxes. It just takes a Republican.

Hey, could Cinderella have managed a leveraged buyout to create a monopoly while reducing overhead by eliminating jobs?

Jesus loves me, this I know, for Rush Limbaugh tells me so. Long as I vote Republican. 'Cause God IS a Republican. Pat Robertson said so.

Don't you know anything?

The turtle shell? Not God on Day Three, and certainly not an adaptation of biological evolution (since that doesn't exist, any more than those other "science things" that non-Republicans put in the way of Republicans maximizing profits, like that ugly rumor of some human-caused climate change thing).

Eee-vo-loo-shun? Republicans don't "evolve." Republicans can even prove they invented the turtle shell. They pull their heads inside any time anybody needs help. Same as the ostrich burying its head in the sand. Animal adaptations? No! Smart business practices. All stolen from Republicans.

larry-wines-formal

Wonder if they're trying to collect dividends from Tsetse flies and mosquitoes?

Larry Wines