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Stormy Daniels

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Dear Mr President,

A delegation from the County Republican Activists Promoting Only Legitimate Art attended the Stormy Daniels Film Festival this week in Albuquerque in order to investigate the rumors about the secret $130,000 payment made by your lawyer to Ms Daniels, a legitimate artist in our view. They hoped to meet privately with her to make sure she understood the reason for the payment – which the RNC has assured them was strictly to help her get back on her feet . . . so to speak.

The county big-wigs all insisted on being included because when it comes to art, they are all hands-ons, stand-up guys.

The county big-wigs all insisted on being included because when it comes to art, they are all hands-ons, stand-up guys. So Orrin Romney was heading it up with Huff Swaggar and there were a few bankers and deacons. Though reluctant, I went along to represent the Retrofit crowd, because I felt it was my duty. To avoid publicity, we disguised ourselves as Democrats, wearing dark glasses, NAACP hats, love beads, and Bernie T-shirts.

Right after the showing of Lust on the Prairie (made right here in New Mexico so it had a lot of interest for us) we noticed a guy down front even more disguised than us – red wig, black beard, and false nose, but when he stood up his nose fell off, and we could tell right away that it was Senator Wiley Schleim from one state over, so we all took off his dark glasses, had a good-old-boy laugh, and adjourned to the bar to compare film notes.

After a bit, Huff said, “Hey, Wiley, weren’t you in that immigration meeting with the president last week?”

“I don’t recall.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you were because I saw you on Fox News.”

“Well, maybe so. I can’t remember. Anyway I think I sat way in the back.”

“No, you were right at the table sitting next to HS Secretary Nielsen.”

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“Who? Well, there was a blonde there. She looked Norwegian. I thought she was the coffee girl.”

“So did Trump really call Haiti a ‘shithole’?”

“I don’t think so. He did use some strong language – because he’s a strong guy.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know, like ‘My stars’ or something.”

“My stars? My granny used to say that.”

“Well then he totally lost it and said, ‘Darn it to Heck!’ Like real loud.”

“Trump did? DONALD Trump? Senior? The guy with big hands? And big button? He said ‘Heck’? Heck – like where you get darned to for not believing in Gosh?

“Yeah, I think so. It was pretty embarrassing.”

[dc]“W[/dc]ell to Hell with him then! I’m just going to go enjoy Photo Club. It starts in five minutes.”


And we all went with him, feeling pretty let down.

Dan Embree