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Monday, 8 January 2018

Dear Mr President,

Well, the new Bannon-Wolff idiot-dope-childlike-crazy-dumb-unstable-doesn’t-read-short-attention-span book has become the talk of the Retrofit. Not that it’s on sale in Sal Si Puede or that any of the regulars have read it, but Melba Thumper drove all the way to Albuquerque and stood in line before dawn to get a copy, and she’s been serving up snippets to her customers along with the beer. They’re almost all Trumpons, of course, but it’s easy to see they’re fascinated.

Melba Thumper drove all the way to Albuquerque and stood in line before dawn to get a copy, and she’s been serving up snippets to her customers along with the beer. They’re almost all Trumpons, of course, but it’s easy to see they’re fascinated.

“So it says here that it’s “secured by a stiffening spray”.

“Really?” says Big Lester, slow as usual to catch the drift. “You mean his . . . ?”

“And it’s colored by another spray that’s supposed to turn it brown, but he can’t wait that long so he rubs it off when it reaches orange.”

“It’s orange? How do they know?”

“His hair, dummy. His hair!”

“Oh! I thought, you know . . . he’s always talking about his big hands and his button and . . .”

“Just shut up, Lester, and go drink your beer.”

Then Jan Czrk chimes in, “Well, anyway he’s a genius.”

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“How do we know that?”

“Because he says so. And he’s rich.”

“So how do we know he’s rich?”

“Because he says so.”

“So how do we know he’s telling the truth?”

“Because he says so.”

“So do you believe that everybody who says he’s telling the truth is telling the truth?”

“Of course not. Not liars and crazy people. But Trump is a genius because he is rich. He says so.”

The Great Khan (who looks a lot like Harold Hunsaker with a goatee and a turban) speaks up from his corner of the bar, “It is the question of questions, a Zen parable of unanswerabiity. Does a crazy man know that he is crazy, or a sane man that he is sane? In an circus like the White House, does the very stable ringmaster appear to the clowns like a clown upsetting the stability of disorder that they perceive to be the disorder of stability? If the lion-tamer has hair like a lion, do the lions…”

dan-embree-17

“You shut up too, Harold. What sort of genius goes to McDonalds for his health?”

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 3:39 AM EST, 8 January 2018