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Trump Bully Pulpit

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Dear Mr President,

Melba Thumper is at it again. I think she spends the slack times at the Retrofit trying to devise new ways to save the world. You know that sort of person who’d rather daydream about reorganizing other people’s lives than taking concrete steps to improve her portfolio. But I promised to pass along her ideas because she knows you always try to take my advice, though sometimes you forget.

What she’s exercised about now is a new study of Gatos Gordos sixth-graders published in The Western Flicker (“Boring Is Our Beat”) last week. A team of investigative reporters who consulted parents, teachers, physicians, psychologists, and truant officers issued the following assessment of our 11-year-olds. As a group, they are:

– Obese, averaging 15 pounds above their ideal weight. This is attributed to a diet of cheeseburgers and 10-12 Cokes a day.

– Addicted to TV (4-8 hours a day) and social media (most of the remaining hours when they are awake).

– Ignorant of the real world. Two-thirds could not place the Civil War in its century, distinguish kings from presidents, or identify Martin Luther King Jr. A third thought that Frederick Douglas had starred in “Wall Street”. (They also thought Wall Street ran along the border and was the symbol of the highest American value – exclusion.)

– Easily distracted, with thought processes that drift into fantasy after about 100 characters.

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Melba’s idea is that you use your bully pulpit – Note: the word “bully” here could be misunderstood – to make kids grasp the need for a Generous, Reflective, Orderly Willingness To Foster Unifying Principles. She wants to call the program GROWTFUP!

– Extremely limited in vocabulary, using “nice”, “fair”, “special”, “very, very”, “sad”, “bad”, “fake”, and “sick” to describe all human behavior.

– Spelling at a second-grade level: “The nation must heel to get lasting peach.”

– Self-absorbed, exhibiting no knowledge of or interest in their peers beyond judgments based on attention shown to themselves. More than a quarter are classified as narcissistic.

– Emotionally unstable, given to emotional swings from exuberant performance with weird facial contortions to sullen denunciation with weird facial contortions.

– Irrationally aggressive, reflexively attacking others for any perceived correction or disagreement. Addicted to name-calling, character assassination, and cyber bullying.

Melba’s idea is that you use your bully pulpit – Note: the word “bully” here could be misunderstood – to make kids grasp the need for a Generous, Reflective, Orderly Willingness To Foster Unifying Principles. She wants to call the program GROWTFUP!

dan-embree-17

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 4:22 AM EST, 12 December 2017

Please circulate. And write him a letter or forward this one to: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact