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trump flipped off

Monday, 20 November 2017

Dear Mr President,

There was a new banner over the bar in the Retrofit yesterday morning, replacing the “Keep Ryan Flyin” one from a couple of weeks ago. This one says “Viva Juli Briskman!”

“Say whut?” said Big Lester, sipping his sotol – like tequila, except with a rattlesnake in the jug instead of a worm.

“She flipped off the Pussy-Grabber,” Melba Thumper said decorously. “And the banner stays up! Get used to it.”

“OK,” he said, meekly. “No problemo.”

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So, Mr President, I thought you might have been so absorbed in your philosophical discussions about democracy with Putin, Xi, Duterte, and Ho Chi Minh (by the way the old silent guy with the wispy beard they sat in front of you wasn’t really Ho – just a rice farmer with bad teeth, sort of the Vietnamese equivalent of Putin’s niece that the coffee-boy you don’t remember didn’t really talk to when you weren’t trying to meet her uncle) so that you missed the uproar here about this latest “she-ro” of the Liberal-Hoaxers. She’s sort of the leader of the women’s auxiliary of the black guys in the NFL who “take a knee” for some reason, only she is famous for taking a finger. You probably didn’t notice a lone cyclist which your golfing cavalcade passed a week or so ago because you were absorbed in waving majestically at the crowds waiting outside one of your estates – the biggest crowd of Grabberistas since the inauguration, period! as Sean Spicer would have said if he were still around, where is he now?

Anyway, Ms Briskman is now a celebrity, having:

  • A) flipped you off in plain sight of the Secret Service, who did nothing except laugh;
  • B) got “separated from her company” (legal phrasing that is intended to avoid federal labor laws by making it appear that she simply got lost on the way to work) by her zealous boss on First Amendment grounds (his, not hers); and
  • C) been made rich from crowd-sourced contributions from people who have nothing better to do than salving Ms Briskman’s postpartum depression.

Anyway, I think Ms Briskman is what is called “trending”. So it is time to “shift the narrative”, by which I mean scare the bejesus out of everybody by pointing menacingly somewhere else – maybe at Venezuela or Ukraine.


By no means should you let John or Sarah or Kellyanne get near the flipping story. They have a tendency to attract the press-sharks like blood in the water while you’re frantically treading water nearby.

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 4:11 AM EST, 19 November 2017