We note with some sadness that today's installment concludes the daily "Letters to the President" Dan Embree has published with us for the past 75 days. It's been a great pleasure to bring our readers these witty ripostes to the insult of Trump's presidency. But as he says in his final letter, Trump has "now passed beyond the reach of humor." We hope to see Dan's writings on our pages again.—Eds.
Wednesday, 10 May 2017
Dear Mr President,
Since 25 February, I have sent you a letter every morning. This letter is my 75th and last. Up to now, my letters have been satiric, mostly funny, intended to expose your attitudes and actions as foolish, racist, corrupt, lying, greedy, and crazy—attitudes and actions that could not be allowed to become normal. But you have now passed beyond the reach of humor—at least beyond the reach of my humor. You're not funny any more.
There is no course before the American people now but your impeachment, followed probably by your conviction and imprisonment.
It is also beyond the reach of my imagination to conceive that you are not guilty of grave and probably treasonous acts, and that a vigorous and impartial investigation will expose your guilt, just as the inevitable publication of your tax records will. There is no course before the American people now but your impeachment, followed probably by your conviction and imprisonment.
I consider it certain that millions of Americans will now join, in the press and in the street, to work for your exposure and your removal through lawful and democratic means.
I will do what I can.
Tuesday, 9 May 2017
Dear Mr President,
Because they know that you and I have a close friendship, the Gatos Gordos County Trumpistoleros have asked me to relay their condolences for the bad week you’re having.
First, there is the loss of your favorite Frenchwoman, Marine Le Pen. We know that her decisive defeat spoils your hopes for a personal relationship with the dominatrix you had thought would play Margaret Thatcher to your Ronald Reagan, just as Vladimir Putin plays Don Quixote to your Sancho Panza—did she remind you of your mother? of your old Nanny Gehorsumzwingen? Secondly, she was going to bust up NATO and the EU—the kind of bold action your supporters rejoice in precisely because it is taken without a clear idea of its consequences. As Hamlet used to say, “Attitude is all!” Moreover, you had doubtless hoped that Le Pen would provide a touch of class to your projected Strongman Group with Putin, Kim, Duterte, Erdogan, and the unfortunately named Sisi—a group you had intended to call the S-7 but will now have to call the S-6. Even though she is admittedly a woman, Le Pen would have contributed some real machismo to your discussions of smacking down troublesome minorities. (Kim won’t be of much use on that front since his only minority is people who get enough to eat, and they are all in his army.)
Then there was the news that in your first meeting with President Obama, last November, he warned that Flynn was not to be trusted. But probably you already guessed that Obama himself was not to be trusted, and suspected that he had had your chair bugged and had already planted the microwave/recorder in the Trumperdome. So why should you have taken advice from a guy like that? Sick. Bad.
Finally, there was the testimony of ex-Acting Attorney General Sally Yates about her futile attempt to warn you, through White House Counsel Donald McGahn, about the false statements of Michael Flynn. So now the fake news of March has become the sworn testimony of May. But the only real revelation was that McGahn had treated the warning cavalierly, asking Yates what the big deal was about one White House official lying to another. I have to say I agree with him—why shouldn’t you treat one another the same way you all treat the public?