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Your Genius Move

Wednesday, 9 January 2018

Dear Mr President,

I’ve been monitoring who’s in and who’s out in the administration, and I have to say you’ve made some smart moves – the calls that only a tough leader (and a stable political genius) could make. A genius move was to lure that fake writer, Michael Wolff, into the White House where he fell into your trap and dragged some staffers into it after him, confessing that they consider you child-like, mentally unstable, crazy, and stupid. As a result of this act of political genius, you now know that the leakers and rats around you include…well, pretty much everybody.

A genius move was to lure that fake writer, Michael Wolff, into the White House where he fell into your trap and dragged some staffers into it after him, confessing that they consider you child-like, mentally unstable, crazy, and stupid.

So Steve Bannon is OUT. After the love affair of the campaign (“extremely capable, highly qualified…best talent in politics”) to the amicable separation of last August (“mutually agreed…grateful for his service…wish him the best”) to last week’s bitter divorce (“Sloppy Steve…lost his mind…a staffer… nothing to do with me”). Thank God there were no children . . .

…unless you count Stephen Miller, formerly a Bannon protégé, but now IN as your current attack dog. If Bannon was the shaggy mastiff growling from the corner of the Oval Office, Miller is the little over-excited and over-bred yap-dog, beloved of dotty old ladies everywhere, and who, unleashed on CNN this weekend, performed as trained -- yelping and snarling until Jake Tapper turned off his mike, at which point, attention shifted back to…

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… Jeff Sessions, who has been OUT longer than he was IN, and whom, with a wink and nod, you tricked into threatening state laws legalizing pot, thus uniting those Democrats in Congress who actually smoke the weed with those Republicans who just want to raise money off it. So you’ll be able to fire Sessions without much opposition, even though everybody knows your real game is to appoint an unrecused AG like maybe…

…Lindsey Graham, a lawyer who once defended a pot-smoking Air Force pilot and who once labeled you “a kook . . . crazy…unfit” and therefore should be OUT, but is somehow now IN as your golfing buddy and public defender, and who would promptly fire…

…Bob Mueller who is already OUT and knows it, which is why he has probably already stashed all the Special Prosecutor’s records in an abandoned salt mine in Canada, which you’ll need some B-movie heavy to find, say…

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…your bodyguard Keith Schiller, who is theoretically OUT, but I suspect is really UP for jobs like this.

Genius!

Dan Embree

Received by the White House at 4:21 AM EST, 9 January 2018