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Florida's La-La Land: Where Woke Goes to Die

Governor doesn’t much like woke folks. Best way to stay out of trouble is to stay asleep

Scene: Florida Welcome Station, I-95

“Walker here. Woke Walker. Ma’am, I wonder if you could give me some information. See, I have this engraved invitation from the governor. You know, DeSantis. He said I should come to Florida to stay. Said I should die here. I need to find him to let him know I’m taking him up on his offer.

“Ma’am? Dang, she’s asleep! How am I going to find the governor?

“Let’s take a look at this map. State capital is Tallahassee. Bound to find the governor there. Let’s see: take a right onto I-10, that’ll get me there.

“On the road again! Oh, look out! Guy must be drunk. No, I can see him now. He’s driving slumped over the wheel! He’s not drunk, he’s asleep!

“Here’s the turn for I-10. There’s another one, weaving all over the road! She’s asleep too. Got to take care here. Both these sleepers had MAGA stickers. Funny…

“Think I’ll stop for a cup of coffee. That diner over there looks good. I’ll just pop in here and sit at the counter. Awful quiet in here. Look at that! Everybody in here is asleep. Even the waitress. Big picture of the governor over the counter. So now I know what he looks like.

“There’s that coffee chain across the street. I don’t usually patronize these big corporations, but I’ll make an exception here.

“Oh, hi there. Glad to see you’re awake! I’ll have a Super-Grande Frappa-Jappa. Say, I was just across the street at that diner, and everybody’s asleep. People over here are wide awake.

Must be the coffee.

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“So you say most everybody in these parts is asleep all the time. Take pills so they can’t be woke. Governor doesn’t much like woke folks. Best way to stay out of trouble is to stay asleep. That sure explains the sleeping drivers!

“That Java sure woke me! Now on to Tallahassee.

“Here’s the exit. Now to find the governor. Here’s somebody. Pardon me, sir, but where would I find the governor? Dang, he’s asleep too! I guess I’ll just head toward the center of town. Maybe there’ll be a sign.

“Lots of African Americans in this neighborhood. And they’re all awake! Say, Ma’am, how do I find the governor?

“Straight up here and keep turning right? Got it! Thank you, Ma’am.

“There’s the Capitol Building. Boy, that last hard right got my attention! Let me park and I’ll go right in.

“Pardon me, Sir. I have an invitation from the governor. Dang, another sleeper! But I can follow the directory.

“There it is: ‘Ron DeSantis, Governor of Florida, Where Woke Goes to Die.’ Makes me feel right at home. Let me just walk on in.

“Ma’am? I have in invitation from the governor. Well, she’s asleep too. Guess I’ll just walk on in.

“Mr. Governor, Sir. I hope I didn’t wake you. I’m Woke, and I wanted to thank you for the nice invitation to relocate to your fine state. I look forward to a long, happy life, and I’d be happy to die here.

“You say you have just the place for me. So I should just go with these gentlemen? Hey, no need to get rough!